The debt dungeon or not...

[IOBA]

I just wanted to share with you parts of the conversation with my son today.   He has his heart set on a certain university.   The costs for this university is about 25-35k a year.  This does not include food, laundry, and other things.   A lot of other things.   Two up front bills of about 11-15k each, for each semester.   Then living costs, like dorms, food, laundry, student access fees, transportation, etc. to be paid weekly.

There is a school he can go to that will give him a scholarship/grant so that tuition and book costs are no more than $100 a semester.   The estimated living cost is $1000 a month to include dorms, food, laundry, student fees, transportation, etc.  I can handle that!  Well, sorta.  It's a lot more doable than the other scenario.   And he expects the real costs to be about $700 a month because he is frugal, especially with other people's money.   While the $700 would be a stretch for me, I can probably do it.

But he tried to convince me it would be easier to pay the tuition costs/dorm costs up front, so I could take a breather in between semesters and save up for the next round.   And, I would only need to give him his living money.  Of course, he would work to supplement payment of expenses.   He's always been willing to work (and actually does) to help pay for the things he really wants.

And, bless his heart, he's willing to take a year off from school to work and save up money.   Which would, of course, allow me to save up money too.

I know he really wants to go to this particular school and it has his degree program (will allow him to major in 3 subjects at one time - no other school will), but I refuse to go into debt so he can have his dream college education.   And bless the stars, he can't get student loans at all.  I have been preaching for years about paying cash.

There's more to this, but the moral of this story is I am sticking to my guns about paying cash as we go and NOT going into debt to pay for college.   And my son, although heart broken, is accepting that he needs to choose the college that best fits our budget.   I want him to get his college degrees without the burden of student debt.   He agrees.  

Sometimes as parents, we have to make tough choices and stick to our guns.  

Sometimes as young adults, we have to choose between our dream college and the dungeon of debt, complete with torture chamber.

[gijoe4500]

I went to one of those REALLY expensive colleges, that was $35,000/year just for tuition.  And I regret it often.  Should have just gone to a state school, and spent less on tuition to have more money for spur of the moment trips with friends, money for fast food, parties, etc.

[IOBA]

Thank you.   Do you have college debt now?   Did you have to sacrifice to go to the expensive college?

I had a friend of mine, who is in debt, and lives paycheck to paycheck tell me I SHOULD go into debt to give my son the education he really wants.   The friend has three kids and no savings for them.    But he feels strongly that educational debt is **good** debt and is ok to be incurred.

The same friend also told me that I have already sacrificed way more than he would for his kids to go to school.   I have.  I have done a lot to help my son get into the position that he will basically, almost, have a free ride in college.   We strategized ahead of time, make sacrifices, paid into the system, so he could be in a very good position to get a great scholarship/grant for college.   And paying $700-1000= for living expenses while he is in college will be a continued hardship for me, but one I am willing to do to help him get his education and be debt free on the other side of his college degree.   Four years max.   When the four years is up, degree or not, I move on to pursue my wants, my needs, my dreams.

[gijoe4500]

I've been out of school since the end of 2005 and i still have ridiculous amounts of student loan debt.  If your kid has a scholarship at a decent school, I'd imagine that y'all should take that, instead of paying a ton out of pocket to another school.  Especially if its going to be you taking on all the debt to pay for school.  Comes down is all that money worth what your kid wants, or would you rather just stick to what is needed?

[IOBA]

I am sorry you have so much debt from going to school.  When I was younger, I worked three jobs to pay for school.   Turned out it was probably the best thing for me, since I didn't accrue the debt.   BUT I also struggled to get to school and keep up with classes.   Fast forward to my 20's, went back to school, full scholarship.  MUCH better!   Wish I had taken the time to really do things differently the first go around.    Fast forward to my 30's, went back to school, took out school loans.   Never, ever again!

So having done all three routes, I really want my son to go to school and focus on school.   He can work very part time if it's for spending money.   I don't want him to overwork and mess up school.   And I don't want him to come out of school with a degree (or two or three) in one hand and in the other many, many promissory notes for his education.

The best I can do, is remain firm about NOT going into debt for his education.   And steer him towards the grant/scholarship path.   It will be a struggle for me to come up with the money to pay for his apt, food, and clean underwear.   But hey, as a mom, I really, REALLY am concerned that he put on clean underwear everyday, ya know?  

My decision has been made.   And my son has to make his.   Free ride or do some very creative maneuvering to pay for a more expensive school.   I just won't co-sign or go into debt for him to have what I can not afford.

** The dream college is worth the degree, but it's not worth the debt dungeon.   

How do you feel about having a "ridiculous amounts of student loan debt"?   Do you worry about making payments?   Was it worth it?

[IOBA]

If he goes the scholarship, almost free route, his visa status will not allow him to work.     But hey, one way or another, it will work out.

How are you paying for this year of school?   You said you took out loans for the first year, but area already paying on them.     

[Anonymous]

I really feels as though it should be your son's decision.

I paid for college myself... CASH! The first few semesters I allowed many relatives talk me into how I should handle my education. However, no one was there to offer a hand when I went into my financial turmoil. It took 8 years to get my B.S. becuase I had to work full time to support myself. With all that being said I wouldn't change the experiences I've gained for anything in the world. I am a stronger person because of the decision I made.

 If he wants to go to the fancy school... I say let him go. He is an adult now (or almost an adult now) and he should weigh his pro's and con's as he is ultimately the only one who has to live with his decisions for the rest of his life.  He may change his mind and transfer to the lesser expensive school if he see's that said school is not all what it is cracked up to be.

[laz98]

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@Anonymous wrote:

I really feels as though it should be your son's decision.

If he wants to go to the fancy school... I say let him go. He is an adult now (or almost an adult now) and he should weigh his pros and cons as he is ultimately the only one who has to live with his decisions for the rest of his life.  He may change his mind and transfer to the lesser expensive school if he see's that said school is not all what it is cracked up to be.

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+1

[IOBA]

I agree.      He knows what my financial commitment is/will be.  I am not varying from that.   He has to make up the difference.   If he goes to his dream school, he will be there on a visa and not allowed to work to support himself.   And he won't qualify for financial aid/student loans becuase he is a foreigner at that school.

If he goes to the scholarship school, he can work a few hours, but they (school) have repeatedly said -- school work first and don't even think about working!   He has been saving as much as possible.    Between what I have committed to paying, and what his predicted living costs will be, he may be short about $50-100 a month.  He has enough saved to pay the difference.   And he's very frugal with money, especially my money.   I strongly suspect that he will be able to do it on less  than the predicted/estimated amount.   He's that good.

For school, he had to do a project and investigate at least two schools, the costs, the student living expenses, the degrees, and the app process.   He took it further and investigated five schools.   He definitely knows his options.  

I feel a little sad for him that his dream college is out of reach.   But I am ok with sticking to my financial commitment/plan that is in place.  And he will find a way to make things work at the scholarship school or the dream school - on his own.   And the goal is to get through school without going into debt.   He knows I want him to reach the other side with a degree and  no debt.

I admire everyone who puts themselves through college, especially if it takes you longer cuz you paid as you went.