Marriage and Debt!

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

Guys and Gals,

I'll be getting married fairly soon and as much as I love her, I hate her debt. I'm currently debt free and she carries about $40,000 in debt. $35,000 is a school loan and the other $5,000 is in credit cards. She's not in the position to pay for any of it and so far it's all being deferred. When the knot is tied I know the only source of income to pay for the debt will be my income alone. We can do it, but it's going to be painful for the next few years.

With that said, she had asked if it would be better if she filed for BK before we were married, and how it would affect us after the marriage, etc. I'm really new to credit and all of the factors of credit, but I'm especially new to marriage and how credit and bankruptcies works in marriage.

So what do you think? Should we bite the bullet, drain a little savings, and sweat it out for a few years paying $40,000 off? Or should she file for BK and start new when we get married?

Thanks again for the help,

Mike

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

Absolutely sweat it out. AVOID BK if at all possible. Concentrate on paying off the CC then the student loans.

Just out of curiosity, can she get a job to help out with the debt?

BK should be reserved for dire, and I mean dire, last ditch effort to save ones life. It's not meant to skirt obligations and I am by no means referring this to your particular circumstance, just for others who are viewing and might be in a different/same situation as you.

Back to you Mike, the couple of years it would take for you to pay this off will help you more than having the black mark on her credit.

Good luck and congrats!!!!!

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

I don't think student loans can be discharged through BK.

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

Now that you've jogged my memory, I believe I read that somewhere too. Good info. Thanks for bringing that up.

Mike

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

Her debt = her job to fix it. You guys are a team now, but you can't do all the work and have her reap all the benefits! You would be resentful and she would be less grateful than she could be if she helped you clean up the credit.

If she got even a part-time job, she could most likely manage all her pmts with that income. Heck, if she spent $35K on a degree, I would hope to he!! that she intends to use that degree to help herself AND you by getting a good job and paying off that debt.

BK is hardly ever the answer. She's got to learn to manage her debt, and while that $$ amount may be high. she really doesn't have that much experience in managing her finances if all she's ever had are SLs and CCs. So this will be a fantastic education for her, in budgeting, in financial integrity,etc.

You two can learn together.. but she's got to pull her own weight.

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

Thanks for the reply realworldknowledge. I had never considered BK until she brought it up. We were trying to look at "what would be best fiscally for our future" so to say. If the ugliness of a BK on her is the answer to that then she was willing to go with it. I agree though, debt shouldn't be skirted, and I'm really not sure how long it's going to take us to pay off $40k. Either way it'll be a journey.

From your reaction though, BK is a pretty bad idea. As for her working to help pay it off, it's an option. We're wanting kids soon, which means she'll more than likely be out of work at least until they're off in school, etc. That's the biggest factor in whether or not she can help pay it off.

Thanks,

Mike

Message Edited by MikeM on 05-02-2008 12:34 PM

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

I do think that equal weight should be pulled in a relationship, but also keep in mind once the "I Do's" are over everything that affects one of you affects both of you. Having you payoff the entirety of the debt might not teach her a lesson, but its too late for you to teach her lessons. You are marrying her for better or worse and if that means she will not learn a lesson, well then hedge your bets and do what is best for the both of you. Even if that means biting the bullet and paying off all yourself.

Teaching one another should be worked out before the nuptials after that its learning together and not scolding for previous habits. You should know by now if previous habits will haunt you.

Friendly advice.

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

You made some very valid points ivyalmighty. It'll definitely be a learning experience for the both of us. And you're right, she does need to contribute to paying the debt off.

Like I said in the previous post, we're wanting kids soon, and I'd hate to raise kids while trying to pay off excessive debt. I just don't know how quickly it can get paid off. Even a couple of years seems too long to wait before having kids, but we might not have a choice.

Anonymous · ‎05-02-2008

The journey might be long and narrow but the trip is well worth it. Take the journey.

MidnightVoice · ‎05-02-2008

MikeM wrote:
You made some very valid points ivyalmighty. It'll definitely be a learning experience for the both of us. And you're right, she does need to contribute to paying the debt off.

Like I said in the previous post, we're wanting kids soon, and I'd hate to raise kids while trying to pay off excessive debt. I just don't know how quickly it can get paid off. Even a couple of years seems too long to wait before having kids, but we might not have a choice.

Soon is a relative term

If you are planning on living and raising two kids on your salary alone, you could practice for a couple of years and she could work and put every penny of her take home pay towards the debt.

With a degree, she should be able to get a job well above minimum wage and with benefits

The slide from grace is really more like gliding
And I've found the trick is not to stop the sliding
But to find a graceful way of staying slid