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BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

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Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Jason, I LOVE your plan to pay her minimum for her. No arguments, she lives with the illusion that you're helping, and she can't do much damage. That'll keep you in an OK position until she either comes to her senses or needs to learn the hard way. It'll get you a bit of peace for now.
FICO 8:  EQ:687  TU:728  EX:735
Message 11 of 19
Frequent Contributor

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

No, I won't need her income when we buy a house. I had just thought she would want to be involved in it financially.
As for my older car, it wasn't breaking down regularly, but it was starting to nickel and dime me at 230k miles. I probably could have held out for some more time, but it was at the point where it was a concern every time I drove it, and I put about 35-40k miles on a year. I figured a $185 payment on a newer car with 160k fewer miles would end up being a better option over the course of a couple of years, especially since I have a warranty on this one.

Gardening until further notice
Message 12 of 19
Frequent Contributor

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

At 230k it owes you nothing... did its job, Keep looking forward  :-)

FICO 8:  EQ:687  TU:728  EX:735
Message 13 of 19

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Maybe get her engaged in this scoring/rebuilding process too. Less talk about the negs and more about the things you both (go team) can do together to recover together.


Starting Score: 523EQ, 522EX, 548TU
Message 14 of 19
Valued Contributor

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Maybe I am old fasioned, or just different.  I believe this falls under the better or worse part of the vows.  You could "let her sink" on her own but, ultimately, what does that say about your marriage?


Also, triplets and an extended stay in NICU - has she seen a therapist?  There could be other underlying issues there.


I'm not trying to be an a-hole but maybe a couple of things to think about.   

Ch 7 Discharge 3/12/2018
Cap One QS1 $3,500, Wayfair $5,000, Blaze MC $3,000, Kohls $1,000
Infiniti Financial lease

Message 15 of 19
Frequent Contributor

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Pretty sure I never said I was gonna "let her sink", per se. My marriage is fine, thank you. Smiley Happy
And yes, she went through some counseling after the triplets were born. As I said in the original post, her lack of concern with credit has been an ongoing thing since before I ever met her so I don't think it's related to the triplets or anything else.

Gardening until further notice
Message 16 of 19
Senior Contributor

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Just my opinion....


Credit is earned.  At some point, a lot of us were given a tiny little credit line, that first chance, to see how we would handle things.  It sounds like both you and your wife were given a second chance with credit.  It's up to each of you what you want to do with that second chance.


You've said you are being responsible.  


You've said your wife is NOT being responsible.  With you making her minimum payments, she is not learning or earning more credit.  Please stop paying HER bill for her.  She can do it herself.


Not sure what electronics you have at home.  I put things on my calendar and set up SOME alerts, and the calendar automatically populates on my husband's phone.  The ALERTS will notify him of an event.  I put reminders on there, for birthdays, date nights, etc.  Sometimes he will call me and ask, "Hey I got an alert on my phoen for x, y, z.  I'm on it." or "Thanks for the reminder!" or "Oh yeah, we got that thing tomorrow."


Can you do something like that for your wife?  An alert or put the payment due date on her phone/calendar?  


We also have a calendar on the fridge.  I use it for the menu only.  DH often wanders over to read it.


When we had a lot of debt (lots of student loans, mortgage, credit card debt, kids tuition, etc) I made a chart and had it on the fridge.  The chart included payment due dates.  I would cross it off when I made a pymt.  Updated the chart every two weeks or so.  You could make one of those for your car pymt and her cc.  So what if someone else sees it?  So what if the kids ask mommy why she has cc debt or if she's made her pymt yet.  Smiley Happy





Message 17 of 19
Valued Member

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

I'm the queen of avoidance. It's taken me most of my life to pull my head out and just do the thing. I'm doing the thing quite nicely now, but it's taken a very long time for me to learn to not bury my head in the sand and pretend everything will be "just fine". Frequent monitoring and really seeing how each action has a reaction in my credit score has helped me become responsible with my borrrowing habits. Though a husband or two has tried to "make me" become responsible, only I could do that. You can try to help her remember when her payments are due, but you can't make her responsible until she's ready to be that. In the mean time, since you're both in the same boat, I'd do minimums and nothing else. If she asks why you're doing that, tell her that you want to avoid negative marks on her credit because those affect you as well, but that you're not willing to bear the full weight of her credit usage. Talking about this subject can be very difficult, because you want her to discuss things she doesn't want to think about, but it is necessary if you are in the long haul with her. 

Message 18 of 19

Re: BK7 discharged. I learned from it. Wife didn't.

Old thread and is now locked.  Please feel free to create a new thread regarding any relevant posts.  Thanks.

Message 19 of 19
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