Have any good credit card/finance jokes?

PullingMeSoftly · ‎09-01-2023

Love jokes about the finance world and credit cards, but they're hard to find! Please share yours...

Here's one:

Police: "Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?"

Man: "The thief was spending less than my wife."

Police: "Then why are you reporting it now?"

Man: "I think now the thief's wife has started using it!"

LMAO )))

Chase Sapphire Reserve Visa Infinite │ $35,000

Chase Freedom Visa Sig │ $28,700 │ 5% rotator

Chase United Club Visa Infinite │ $35,000

Bank of America Alaska Airlines Visa Sig │ $30,000

US Bank Altitude Reserve Visa Infinite │ $20,000 │ 4.5x mobile wallet

US Bank Altitude Go Visa Sig │ $25,000 │ 4x dining │ no FTF

US Bank Cash+ Visa Sig │ $25,000 │ 5% selectable rotator

Elan Financial Services/US Bank Fidelity Rewards Visa Sig │ $25,000

Citi Costco Anywhere Visa Sig │ $26,500 │ 5% Costco gas │ 4% gas

Citi Custom Cash MC │ $27,800 │ 5% selectable rotator

Citi Custom Cash MC │ $15,000 │ 5% selectable rotator

BMO Cash Back MC │ $15,000 │ 5% streaming

Barclays Banana Republic Rewards World MC │ $20,000 │ 5x Banana-Gap-Old Navy-Athleta

Provident CU Cash Back Visa Sig │ $25,000

NFCU Flagship Rewards Visa Sig │ $80,000

PenFed Platinum Rewards Visa Sig │ $12,000 │ 5x gas

PenFed Power Cash Rewards Visa Sig │ $36,200

AOD FCU Visa Sig │ $25,000 │ 3% everything

Affinity FCU Cash Rewards Visa Sig │ $25,000 │ 5% Amazon

Nusenda CU Platinum Cash Rewards Visa │ $25,000 │ 5% rotator

Safe CU Cash Back Visa │ $25,000 │ 5% selectable rotator

Vantage West CU Connect Rewards Visa Sig │ $25,000 │ RIP 5x...to the sockdrawer

Langley FCU Signature Cash Back Visa │ $25,000 │ 5% selectable rotator

JoeRockhead · ‎09-01-2023

I have no idea why my credit card keeps getting declined, every time I check my account online it says I have an oustanding balance.

PullingMeSoftly · ‎09-01-2023

@JoeRockhead wrote:
I have no idea why my credit card keeps getting declined, every time I check my account online it says I have an oustanding balance.

Lol good one!

IsFiveCardsEnough · ‎09-01-2023

Finance jokes?

My paycheck might qualify.

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

A couple old, lame ones from my Facebook days:

"I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!"

"I'm not overdrawn, I'm under-deposited!"

Formerly CreditMarathoner. Cards: BoA CCR MC $8,000 / Chase Amazon Prime VS $3,000 / Chase Freedom Unlimited VS $5,000 / Chase Sapphire Preferred VS $12,000 / Elan Sharonview FCU Max Cash Preferred VS $23,500 / TCL $51,500

Look Ma, no Inquiries!!

gregorius · ‎09-06-2023

Discover was my first credit card so I have a bit of a soft spot for them and a short exchange in S01E06 of Futurama gets me every time.

Fry: "Do you take Visa?"

Clerk: "Visa hasn't existed for 500 years"

Fry: "American Express?"

Clerk: "600 years"

Fry: "Discover card?"

Clerk: "Sorry we don't take Discover."

IsFiveCardsEnough · ‎09-07-2023

I'm reminded of the old movie Roxanne with Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah.

Hannah's character gets locked out of her house, and Martin (who's a fireman) offers to get her in. He opens his toolbox, that just has a credit card in it. After unsuccessfully trying to use the card to get the front door open, he says "this door doesn't accept Mastercard!"

Formerly CreditMarathoner. Cards: BoA CCR MC $8,000 / Chase Amazon Prime VS $3,000 / Chase Freedom Unlimited VS $5,000 / Chase Sapphire Preferred VS $12,000 / Elan Sharonview FCU Max Cash Preferred VS $23,500 / TCL $51,500

Look Ma, no Inquiries!!

ptatohed · ‎09-10-2023

[Until I can make a pretty signature, here’s an updated draft]

Everyday 5% CB:
Chase prime Visa // citi CUSTOM CASH “A” // citi CUSTOM CASH “B” // citi SHOP YOUR WAY (5% gas (in points), lucrative spending offers) // mylowe’s Rewards // Target circle card

5% CB rotating:
Chase “OG” freedom Visa // DISCOVER it Cash Back // nusenda CU Platinum Cash Rewards

Everyday 4% CB:
US Bank Smartly (v1.0)

Everyday 3% / 2.2% CB:
AOD FCU Visa Signature (3%, sockdrawered) // upgrade Cash Rewards Elite (2.2%, sockdrawered)

Welcome Offer / credits only:
Chase SAPPHIRE PREFFERED (grabbed my $1,000, sockdrawered, will cancel) // NFCU FLAGSHIP REWARDS (elevated Welcome Offer, annual prime credit, sockdrawered)

Hotel card:
Chase IHG ONE REWARDS PREMIER (elevated Welcome Offer, 1 free night/yr)

On my radar:
Langely FCU Signature Cash Back (5% CB monthly selectable cat) // Safe CU Cash Back+ (Quarterly rotating 5% CB cats plus bonus cats) // upgrade MyFive Cash Rewards (5% CB monthly selectable cat) // US Bank Kroger (and family) World Elite Master Card(s) (5% CB Mobile Wallet)