Suggestions on curbing DH spending ?

[Anonymous]

Need help or suggestions on how to deal with DH's spending... how do you tell someone again that they were wasting money without hurting their feelings? I can tell him there is x dollars in the account, we have these expenses this week etc. in hopes he will be understanding.... it's a lost cause! Is it really necessary to go every local HS football game, I could understand if we had a kid playing but he doesn't know any kids on the team? He can go by the ATM for lunch money and the minium withdrawl amount is $20 (which would last me a week or better) but he will come home broke and have to visit the ATM again the next day... don't matter if he takes $10 or $20 a day he comes home broke! Heaven forbid he goes by Wally World!

I have cut every expense that can be cut... no where left for me to trim. I go over the budget with him weekly sometimes more frequently if I feel it's needed...nothing seems to help... I don't want to be that nagging wife each day. Keeping the kids, home & the finances straight are exhausting! I'm guessing men don't stress over expenses like women do? Guys don't be offended by this please and if you have any suggestions I'm all eyes right now! A mother and/or wifes job never ends.....

[Junejer]

Hey Bran, I am a man, and I feel your pain. What I did to make the ex understand the need and power of budgeting is to hand her the checkbook, the budget and the expenses and said "have at it. It's yours for the next six months." One month of that and she was begging me to take it back. I made her do it for two months, and that honestly worked for a good while.

[MidnightVoice]

Take away his ATM card, CCs and check book and give him an allowance

[Anonymous]

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MidnightVoice wrote:
Take away his ATM card, CCs and check book and give him an allowance

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Or open a second account that is his and put his allowance in that account. Then he doesn't have to ask you for money or depend on you for money, but can't overspend. (well unless he writes bad checks)

[MidnightVoice]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Or open a second account that is his and put his allowance in that account. Then he doesn't have to ask you for money or depend on you for money, but can't overspend. (well unless he writes bad checks)

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Has to be one without an ATM card!!!

[marty56]

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@Anonymous wrote:

I have cut every expense that can be cut... no where left for me to trim. I go over the budget with him weekly sometimes more frequently if I feel it's needed...nothing seems to help... I don't want to be that nagging wife each day. Keeping the kids, home & the finances straight are exhausting! I'm guessing men don't stress over expenses like women do? Guys don't be offended by this please and if you have any suggestions I'm all eyes right now! A mother and/or wifes job never ends.....

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You are not nagging and it is hard when one person wants to do the right thing and the other doesnt.  IMHO you may have some issues in your marriage beyond trying to get DH on board to keep a budget.  Money is a prime reason why people get divorced.

[MsKiwi]

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@MidnightVoice wrote:
Take away his ATM card, CCs and check book and give him an allowance

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I agree.

[Anonymous]

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@Junejer wrote:
Hey Bran, I am a man, and I feel your pain. What I did to make the ex understand the need and power of budgeting is to hand her the checkbook, the budget and the expenses and said "have at it. It's yours for the next six months." One month of that and she was begging me to take it back. I made her do it for two months, and that honestly worked for a good while.

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I made a boo boo and missed my cc payment by 1 day this month...cost me $10.51 finance charge and $39 got the late fee reversed but paying that finance charge really gets under my skin.... I did tell him once that I was going to let him handle all the finances including grocery shopping... I couldn't do it and he knows it because he know I know he spending habits. (whew had to say that aloud) He knows how I feel about paying anything late & finance charges. He would become homeless very quickly!

[Anonymous]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Or open a second account that is his and put his allowance in that account. Then he doesn't have to ask you for money or depend on you for money, but can't overspend. (well unless he writes bad checks)

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Has to be one without an ATM card!!!

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@marty56 wrote:

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@Anonymous wrote:

I have cut every expense that can be cut... no where left for me to trim. I go over the budget with him weekly sometimes more frequently if I feel it's needed...nothing seems to help... I don't want to be that nagging wife each day. Keeping the kids, home & the finances straight are exhausting! I'm guessing men don't stress over expenses like women do? Guys don't be offended by this please and if you have any suggestions I'm all eyes right now! A mother and/or wifes job never ends.....

---

You are not nagging and it is hard when one person wants to do the right thing and the other doesnt.  IMHO you may have some issues in your marriage beyond trying to get DH on board to keep a budget.  Money is a prime reason why people get divorced.

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Trust me I have done almost all of the above. I haven't taken his card away but I did  open another account that he don't have access to which holds my mortgage, car payments.

Yes financial woes are the leading cause of divorce!

[Anonymous]

really, give him an allowance. It sounds childish, but if he can't be responsible...

Have the joint account for your joint expenses. sit down WITH HIM and figure out a monthly or bi monthly allowance for both of you to stick to $100, $200, whatever. then open two accounts one for him and one for you and deposit the allowance in it accordingly.

Take his atm card for the joint account and cut it up. If he overdrafts, that's his problem. If he "runs out" that's his problem... the same goes for you.

this will only work if you can get him to agree to it and stick to the rules, which you should be able to do so long as he agrees on the amount of the allowance. You know your husband, so you have to word this in a way that will be appealing to him rather than condescending or threatening.

really, give it a try. it works wonders.

(I actually advocate 4 accounts + however any retirement/investment accounts you desire: 1 joint account for bills, 1 joint savings account, 1 checking account each for each spouse. ideally, the joint account would have a zero balance each month.)