Discussing FICO score whilst in a serious Relationship

[Anonymous]

For me, it's an absolute MUST DISCLOSE, although I don't think too many people operate this way. I wouldn't NOT marry someone who had scores at the bottom of the barrel (mine were!) but I would not marry them until we had come to a decision & had a game plan on who would handle finances, how we would correct the problem. To me, having a crappy CR isn't a sign of bad character. Being unwilling to disclose it, unwilling to take responsibility for why/how you did it, or unwilling to commit to change IS a sign of bad character.

My first "marriage" (I say "marriage" because we had a ceremony but he wouldn't get a marriage certificate because he was afraid of the government tracking him.. THAT WAS A SIGN, IVY!!) was a complete mess. We met when I was 18 and he instantly started "guiding" me and getting me credit, to "build my profile." It never occurred to me that he was using my SSN & CR because his was practically in the negative numbers. By the time I left him 4 yrs later, aside from having two children at the age of 22 and more than 17 hospital bills on my CR from the abuse, my score was a 424. There were numerous cell phone bills that I didn't even know about, a SL on the verge of default, and he had run up & done cash advances on my CC at least three times w/o my consent. The bal on my CC was $2865 with a CL of only $1100.

When I met someone GREAT a while later, I made both of us sit down & look at each other's CRs. His wasn't horrible, but wasn't great. He's got a high level clearance in the military, so he couldn't afford to totally blow his credit, but he had a track record of late payments, charge-offs on small am't CCs, and took out $1K-$3K personal loans from his bank at least once a year. So, when he asked me to marry him, we decided that *I* would handle all finances and he would only get an allowance. That's how it's been ever since. Now, almost three years later, we have $0 old/bad debt, two cars at mid-int rates (compared to his 18.99% APR that sometimes went as high as 26%) and he has NO allotments coming out of his pay.

I would not have married him without full disclosure & without commitment to a plan to change. I would have expected him to not marry me if I hadn't returned the favor, but, he's much more the romantic type so I know he would have. He was actually very relieved that I wanted to take over the money & lead/teach us both in that department. He knew he wasn't very good at it, but didn't know how to change.

[Anonymous]

I was dumped over a financial situation too. I don't feel bad about it at all, actually thankful I found out what the other person was all about. I think the topic was more about what people do with credit not the actual score. My score goes up and down like crazy and my credit is great. I was describing people that are out of control over spending with no intent to repay. It's a careless personality I don't need to be with. The credit score is only an indicator or warning light to be looked further in to. Not a deciding factor. Like a red flag. LOW SCORE = INVESTIGATE. There might be something you don't know about the person you are with.

I helped a lot of people with credit. I learned things about people from their credit I never knew. One friend had 2 new collections every year going back 7 years. Small stuff because he got angry at them and refused to pay. Other stuff was from charge offs because he ran out of money but didn't want to stop spending so he walked away to be able to buy more unneeded toys. I knew this person for years and never knew about that side. I would never get in to a relationship with someone after seeing something like that. So yes. I think the score is important to know if there is a flag. But only to investigate why the score is low not a deciding factor.

[haulingthescoreup]

My credit problems resulted from chronic disorganization and procrastination. These haven't gone away, alas, although they have some band-aids placed on strategic spots.

If someone had seen my report, especially a year or two ago, they would have every right to question how this disorganization and procrastination would affect other areas of our lives.

Message Edited by haulingthescoreup on 05-13-2008 12:24 PM

[Anonymous]

It's not just what's in the report or what the FICO score is; it's how the other person deals with it.

My ex-fiance told me he had $10k-$15k in debt.  I insisted that he pull his CRs, and it turned out to be $50k.  I gave him a chance to deal with it (really cut him a lot of slack), but it didn't seem to be the top priority for him.  That's why he's my ex-fiance.  Three years later, the IRS is chasing him (via notices sent to my house) for another $50k.

I thank my lucky stars that I didn't marry him because it would have been a compete train wreck. 

I'm even luckier now that I'm engaged to the greatest guy in the world who has been completely open with me about financial matters from practically our first date. 

[frugal]

It seems that most of the replys on this subject is PRO for knowing the others scores in a relationship. If my ex girlfriend had known my score, I don't know if she would have supported me.  However, I had to do a lot of growing up  to do and face up to my responsiblities.  It wasn't fair to she, most importantly....ME.

It's amazing that when purchasing a new car (which is relevant on this site), one will ask every question about a car that will hopefully last up to 10 years before trading it in.  However, when it comes to someone you want to be with for the rest of your life, asking ONE important question about ones FICO Score seems to be taboo to some. Why is that?

Every ones advance and/or comment- I can learn from or can relate to.  Eventhough, I've never been married...I do feel knowing each others Scores and spending habits can cause less stress in a relationship- if both have a knowledge on improving finances together.  Love is great, but it doesn't pay at the gas pumps with a high APR on Gas cards...nor should it

[Anonymous]

I think the consensus is that it's not the score per se that will govern how the relationship plays out.. it's how one deals with the score and manages their finances from that point on.

[marty56]

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masdeocho wrote:

It's not just what's in the report or what the FICO score is; it's how the other person deals with it.

I am not going to judge people here who did and do so, but many people in this forum have exploited the rules to get valid derogatory information off their credit reports (GW,PFD,DV).

I can see it now.  All thouse threads that start of with::

My spouse had a high credit score and clean report but they cheated on me and I found out they GW and PFD all their derogatory information.  FICO scoring sucks.

Kinda reminds me of the I didnt have sex with that woman statement.

[marty56]

I forgot to add the deal breaker question they should add to the TV show The Moment of Truth:

Did you become an AU on your ex-girlfriends credit card account to boost your credit score during our marriage?

There goes the 500k and the marriage.

[Anonymous]

For most people marriage is the single most important business decision they will make in their lifetimes. And to be realistic, that business decision has at least a 50% chance of failure. I just don't see a downside to looking into each others finances prior to making that decision. Of course a fico score alone is not sufficient in and of itself to end it but to not at least take a look could me a huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't everyone discuss their finances before getting married? lol