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New Contributor
billiards
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I have a sick sense of humor and I have fun with people wanting my money.
 
Do the rest of you?
 
Please share with the rest of us your funny collection or telemarketer stories.
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Established Contributor
TexMontana
Posts: 678
Registered: ‎05-29-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Ok - 17 years ago I had a Firestone charge card. Owning a POS car requires it. Anyhoo, I mailed my payment on my way out of town to visit my folks, and I guess it was lost in the mail. One of their collectors called me THE DAY AFTER IT WAS DUE. I told him I mailed it on such-n-such date, and he said (and I quote),"Are you retarded?" The really funny part is I am NOT RETARDED. So, I wrote a check for the balance, which I clearly remeber was $24.59, and cut the card into a million little pieces and mailed the whole mess in. Couple of weeks later, I get a call wanting to know if I needed a replacement card. I said, "No. I'M RETARDED, remember?"
" I like to live as a poor man, with a lot of money." - Pablo Picasso (who was a jerk.)
New Contributor
billiards
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

That's a good one!
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Frequent Contributor
Tmleverage
Posts: 452
Registered: ‎07-14-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Years ago in the early 90's I had a CA calling me and threatining me
at all hours and at home, work and everywhere else and just being a
complete gerk.
So I called him one day and told him if he didn't stop harrassing me
I was gonna climb thru his office window and stuff his phone down
his throat, at wich time he replied with some smart a$$ comment
and I told him to look out his window where I was standing with the
bankruptcy papers I was holding in my hands that were filed that day and I said he couldn't harrass
me anymore and that I filed just because of him and now that I knew what he looked
like he better hope I did not meet him in the  bar he frequented..
Ya I was younger and dumber back then but I did put the fear back onto him...
Established Contributor
TexMontana
Posts: 678
Registered: ‎05-29-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Ok, ok another one.
A telemarketer calls and goes through this whole rigamirole about how they are collecting money from folks so "needy" kids can go to the circus. I said Great! My kids can finally go to the circus! Where do I pick up my tickets?
No reply.....
" I like to live as a poor man, with a lot of money." - Pablo Picasso (who was a jerk.)
New Contributor
billiards
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I like that!:smileyvery-happy:
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Valued Contributor
TheNewWorldMan
Posts: 2,374
Registered: ‎03-15-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Back in the long-distance service wars, I had someone call me, obnoxiously claiming he could beat whatever I was paying for long distance service. The conversation went like this:

HIM: "Nobody can beat our rates."
ME: "You can't beat what I'm getting."
HIM: "What are you paying now?"
ME: (chuckling) "I don't PAY to make long-distance calls, they pay ME 4 cents per minute."
HIM: "What do you mean?"
ME: "I mean exactly what I said...for every minute I spend on the phone long distance, the carrier I'm with pays ME four cents. I made over fifty bucks last month."
HIM: "What carrier is that? I want to try that! Can you hook me up"

Of course I was BSing big-time, but I sure got that guy to shut up!
- - - -
in a credit-scoring postnuclear Stone Age...
New Contributor
billiards
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I got a telemarketing call one day while at work when I was busy talking to my boss. Here's how this conversation went:
 
Phone rings, "please hold for an important message from XYZ company"
 
I told my boss "Listen to this" so he got on the other phone and pressed the mute button.
 
Him: Hi, this is Jeff with XYZ company. We'd like to extend to you...........
Me: Uh, sir, this is Michael with HP technical support. What is your issue?
Him: Huh?
Me: Sir, this is Michael with HP technical support. I was told that your department had a problem with either a copier or a printer. This telephone call is costing your company $50.00 per minute. Please tell me, what is your issue?
Him: I know nothing about this.......let me talk to my supervisor.
 
Less than 10 seconds passes.
 
Him: We have the issue resolved. Thank You.
 
CLICK!!!
 
 
 
To which, we had a GOOD laugh for the rest of the day!
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Established Contributor
Revike
Posts: 720
Registered: ‎05-04-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Look up some of Tom Mabe's work on YouTube or iTunes. Especially "Crime Scene" (which goes by several different names on YouTube) and "Crime and the Carpet Cleaner".

In the first bit, a telemarketer calls and asks for Tom Mabe. Tom impersonates a detective and tells the telemarketer that Tom Mabe is dead, a murder victim, and interrogates the telemarketer about exactly how well he knew Tom Mabe, and tells the telemarketer he may need to come in for questioning, which means traveling hundreds of miles ...

In the second bit, a telemarketer for a local carpet cleaning company calls, and Tom tells the telemarketer how glad he is to get the call, since he has an urgent need to get blood out of his carpet. A LOT of blood ...

:smileyvery-happy:
Senior Contributor
Noah_Bodie
Posts: 4,635
Registered: ‎03-11-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Got a call once from a telemarketer calling on behalf of the Dove Foundation. I immediately switched into Stoner Dude mode.
 
Me: Hello.
Caller: I'm calling from the Dove Foundation.
Me: Oh, umm, ah, we use Ivory. Sorry dude.
Caller: No, no, no. We're not affliated with Dove Soap. I'm with the Dove Foundation.
Me: Oh, like, now I understand, dude. So, umm, do you like sell Ivory and stuff, cause we really like it.
Caller: No, no, no, no, no. We're the Dove Foundation. We have no affiliation with Dove Soap, at all.
Me: Oh, OK. Well, umm, we only use Ivory, but I think we're out.
Caller: I'll try back later.
 

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