Credit Cards Center Credit cards from our partners
Reply
New Contributor
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I have a sick sense of humor and I have fun with people wanting my money.
 
Do the rest of you?
 
Please share with the rest of us your funny collection or telemarketer stories.
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Established Contributor
Posts: 678
Registered: ‎05-29-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Ok - 17 years ago I had a Firestone charge card. Owning a POS car requires it. Anyhoo, I mailed my payment on my way out of town to visit my folks, and I guess it was lost in the mail. One of their collectors called me THE DAY AFTER IT WAS DUE. I told him I mailed it on such-n-such date, and he said (and I quote),"Are you retarded?" The really funny part is I am NOT RETARDED. So, I wrote a check for the balance, which I clearly remeber was $24.59, and cut the card into a million little pieces and mailed the whole mess in. Couple of weeks later, I get a call wanting to know if I needed a replacement card. I said, "No. I'M RETARDED, remember?"
" I like to live as a poor man, with a lot of money." - Pablo Picasso (who was a jerk.)
New Contributor
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

That's a good one!
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 452
Registered: ‎07-14-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Years ago in the early 90's I had a CA calling me and threatining me
at all hours and at home, work and everywhere else and just being a
complete gerk.
So I called him one day and told him if he didn't stop harrassing me
I was gonna climb thru his office window and stuff his phone down
his throat, at wich time he replied with some smart a$$ comment
and I told him to look out his window where I was standing with the
bankruptcy papers I was holding in my hands that were filed that day and I said he couldn't harrass
me anymore and that I filed just because of him and now that I knew what he looked
like he better hope I did not meet him in the  bar he frequented..
Ya I was younger and dumber back then but I did put the fear back onto him...
Established Contributor
Posts: 678
Registered: ‎05-29-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Ok, ok another one.
A telemarketer calls and goes through this whole rigamirole about how they are collecting money from folks so "needy" kids can go to the circus. I said Great! My kids can finally go to the circus! Where do I pick up my tickets?
No reply.....
" I like to live as a poor man, with a lot of money." - Pablo Picasso (who was a jerk.)
New Contributor
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I like that!Smiley Very Happy
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Valued Contributor
Posts: 2,374
Registered: ‎03-15-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Back in the long-distance service wars, I had someone call me, obnoxiously claiming he could beat whatever I was paying for long distance service. The conversation went like this:

HIM: "Nobody can beat our rates."
ME: "You can't beat what I'm getting."
HIM: "What are you paying now?"
ME: (chuckling) "I don't PAY to make long-distance calls, they pay ME 4 cents per minute."
HIM: "What do you mean?"
ME: "I mean exactly what I said...for every minute I spend on the phone long distance, the carrier I'm with pays ME four cents. I made over fifty bucks last month."
HIM: "What carrier is that? I want to try that! Can you hook me up"

Of course I was BSing big-time, but I sure got that guy to shut up!
- - - -
in a credit-scoring postnuclear Stone Age...
New Contributor
Posts: 74
Registered: ‎06-27-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

I got a telemarketing call one day while at work when I was busy talking to my boss. Here's how this conversation went:
 
Phone rings, "please hold for an important message from XYZ company"
 
I told my boss "Listen to this" so he got on the other phone and pressed the mute button.
 
Him: Hi, this is Jeff with XYZ company. We'd like to extend to you...........
Me: Uh, sir, this is Michael with HP technical support. What is your issue?
Him: Huh?
Me: Sir, this is Michael with HP technical support. I was told that your department had a problem with either a copier or a printer. This telephone call is costing your company $50.00 per minute. Please tell me, what is your issue?
Him: I know nothing about this.......let me talk to my supervisor.
 
Less than 10 seconds passes.
 
Him: We have the issue resolved. Thank You.
 
CLICK!!!
 
 
 
To which, we had a GOOD laugh for the rest of the day!
I put all my bills in a hat each month and keep drawing names and paying bills until there's no money left. If you don't stop harassing me, your name won't go in the hat!
Established Contributor
Posts: 720
Registered: ‎05-04-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Look up some of Tom Mabe's work on YouTube or iTunes. Especially "Crime Scene" (which goes by several different names on YouTube) and "Crime and the Carpet Cleaner".

In the first bit, a telemarketer calls and asks for Tom Mabe. Tom impersonates a detective and tells the telemarketer that Tom Mabe is dead, a murder victim, and interrogates the telemarketer about exactly how well he knew Tom Mabe, and tells the telemarketer he may need to come in for questioning, which means traveling hundreds of miles ...

In the second bit, a telemarketer for a local carpet cleaning company calls, and Tom tells the telemarketer how glad he is to get the call, since he has an urgent need to get blood out of his carpet. A LOT of blood ...

Smiley Very Happy
Senior Contributor
Posts: 4,635
Registered: ‎03-11-2007

Re: Funny Collection or Telemarketer Stories

Got a call once from a telemarketer calling on behalf of the Dove Foundation. I immediately switched into Stoner Dude mode.
 
Me: Hello.
Caller: I'm calling from the Dove Foundation.
Me: Oh, umm, ah, we use Ivory. Sorry dude.
Caller: No, no, no. We're not affliated with Dove Soap. I'm with the Dove Foundation.
Me: Oh, like, now I understand, dude. So, umm, do you like sell Ivory and stuff, cause we really like it.
Caller: No, no, no, no, no. We're the Dove Foundation. We have no affiliation with Dove Soap, at all.
Me: Oh, OK. Well, umm, we only use Ivory, but I think we're out.
Caller: I'll try back later.
 

Forums posts are not provided or commissioned by FICO. Forums posts have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by FICO. It is not FICO's responsibility to ensure all posts and/or questions are answered.

Advertiser Disclosure: The listings that appear on myFICO are from companies from which myFICO receives compensation, which may impact how and where products appear on myFICO (including, for example, the order in which they appear). myFICO does not review or include all companies or all available products.
† Credit cards for FICO Score ranges: The score ranges are guidelines based on internal myFICO analysis of actual applicant approvals, and having a FICO Score in a particular range does not guarantee you will be approved for credit cards recommended in that range. These ranges were not provided by any card issuer.

Copyright ©2001-2015 Fair Isaac Corporation. All rights reserved.   | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Sitemap

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: All FICO® Score products made available on myFICO.com include a FICO® Score 8, along with additional FICO® Score versions. Your lender or insurer may use a different FICO® Score than the versions you receive from myFICO, or another type of credit score altogether. Learn more

FICO, myFICO, Score Watch, The score lenders use, and The Score That Matters are trademarks or registered trademarks of Fair Isaac Corporation. Equifax Credit Report is a trademark of Equifax, Inc. and its affiliated companies. Many factors affect your FICO Score and the interest rates you may receive. Fair Isaac is not a credit repair organization as defined under federal or state law, including the Credit Repair Organizations Act. Fair Isaac does not provide "credit repair" services or advice or assistance regarding "rebuilding" or "improving" your credit record, credit history or credit rating. FTC's website on credit.