A Lesson in Managing Your Money

[Anonymous]

FICO is only a small part of the money management game.. but if you don't manage your credit well, then you most likely don't manage finances in ANY part of your life well. Whenever you see someone who appears to be sitting pretty, and always seems to have $$ for drinks, new clothes, vacation, AND the boat/BMW/house payment.. very often (we FICOnians are the exception) what looks good on the outside is still one paycheck away from utter disaster on the inside.

DH's Ex... primary custodian of two of his daughters....

1. Married a comp programmer guy. Makes GOOD money.

2. Bought a house w/ an ARM because their credit is BAAD, but she REALLY NEEDED a pretty house in the RIGHT neighborhood and couldn't wait a year or so to fix credit.

3. Gave the girls more than they could ever need, ON CREDIT, because even w/ the ARM, house payment was at the super-max end of their range. Can no longer get any new credit! Can't pay off what they've maxed out, either.

4. Can't refinance the ARM because their credit is shot.

5. Can't sell their GasChugger 9000 because they got a monster IR and are upside-down.

6. Bought DD#1 a skydiving package for her birthday (not a "special" bday like 16 or 21, mind you, just a regular in-between nothing special birthday) this year... BUT they've turned off the home phone because they can't afford to pay the bill.

7. Sends DH a package with the entire year's worth of medical bills (he pays 1/2 after insurance) every year in November, instead of as-they-come, to finance Christmas.

8. Due to aforementioned serious financial jujus, "padded" the medical bills the last two years to the tune of $2K, by including redundant bills, using fuzzy (aka, impossible) math. Since i used to work in med billing, both times I have gone through the 1.5-in packet and organized it, and found the REAL am't due (more like $600 total)...

9. When the packet is sent back, with a check for the REAL am't due, attempts to guilt us by telling us AND THE MINOR CHILDREN that they can't have Christmas this year because Daddy didn't pay the medical bills. (lesson there, don't count on $$ that's not already in your pocket or in your budget!) (second lesson - there is NO NEED to spend $300 per child on Xmas, esp when you can't even afford a home phone!!!!)

Guys and gals, credit is key! The skills you employ to manage your phone bill and car payment will be the same skills you use to manage your credit cards, and vice versa! It spills over into SO MANY areas of life!

[Anonymous]

Couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

The simplest rules are the hardest.

SPEND < EARN.

Very simple rule.  If you spend less than you earn you will be fine.  If you don't you will fail.  It doesn't matter if you make $10K a year or $10 million.

Credit isn't bad it is a tool. 

How many of us would own a car if we needed to save $20-$30K before buying one? 

What % of America would be a homeowner if you needed to save up $200-$300K before buying a home?

If you use no credit it is impossible to spend money you don't have.  Credit allows people to SPEND > EARN.  Credit isn't the problem it is the inabiliy to accept that we must all SPEND < EARN.

Actually to be financially independent you must SPEND < (EARN - INVEST).  20% if good % to start with.  If you make $50K a year and spend $40K a year you will be very happy. 

It is so simple yet so hard.

[Trishco]

Believe me ivy, I understand your frustration!

In our scenario, DH made a full month child support payment at the beginning of one month as well as the end of the month.  He has arrearages and pays extra whenever he can to take care of those.

He gets a phone call from the mother of his children b*tching because her section 8 rent is going up because of the overpayment and her food stamp allotment will now go down!!  **bleep** the luck eh???

Needless to say, he would not let me get on the phone! 

[Jesedmotherof5]

Ohhh Im not even going here... I havent gotten child support since AUG b/c he doesnt have a job becasue of the mortage dump insdustry... ahhh hello go bag some groceries!

[Anonymous]

DH is one of what must be a VERY small segment, in that he pays much more than due, and we send the kids extra for "fun" money when we can.. and she is STILL crying poor all the time. Luckily, the kids are getting old enough to know better.. the oldest is now 22 and living his own life, and he seems to have "educated" the younger two to some degree.. also, DH is really close to the kids and enjoys contributing..

But here's the philosophy I used when I left my children's father.. CHILD SUPPORT=CONNECTION. IF I WANTED TO SPEND THE NEXT YEARS WITH SOME KIND OF CONNECTION TO THEIR FATHER, I WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT HIM!!!! LOL... I never asked for a dime, because I didn't want him feeling entitled to ANY time with them, via visitation.. he's a very bad person. Also, if you have to ask or whine or litigate for it, then who really wants it?? He would have only stayed in their lives because he was paying to play.

And it worked.. since he didn't have to send a check, or see me in court, or anything like that,  he faded out altogether after about two years. Which is definitely for the best. Last I heard, he stole his grandma's CC to buy a plane ticket to the West Coast to be "closer" to the girls. (he knows we live out here, but doesn't know where). And now he's homeless.

[tryingtogetitrightnow]

Your husband's ex reminds me of mine. I just hope that I can keep my kids from learning too many bad financial habits from her.

[Junejer]

Yep trying, I have a shop-aholic ex. She spends money in the mall like it's her job, then she tries to get in my pocket all the time...ticks me off. She would make unnecessary purchases and then ask for half. I cut that tie off a couple of years ago. I have primary placement, so she is the Santa Claus mom. Every child has a brand new cell phone (sidekick, blackberry curves). The oldest is 16, youngest is 10. What in the world do all of them need with a cell?

Okay Byrd, get off of the rant.

[Anonymous]

Byrd-
his ex is the same way. Sr pictures for one who recently graduated, she spent $900! And then asked for half, after the fact. NO WAY. It's sad-but-true that I graduated from HS just 6 years before she did, so I have an idea how much sr pictures can/should cost if you are wise about them.. I told DH that she must have used a golden camera for the pics to be that much.
Then, Mom sent her on a graduation cruise to the Caribbean (?! it was ONLY high school, lady!!) and wanted DH to pay for half of the $$ she spent on souveniers, again, after the fact. So with me as his wife (and holding the purse strings ) we had the wording changed to state he would only cover surprise expenses up to half of $100.. anything more than that, and she has to approach him beforehand to ask if he would like to contribute, and he has the right to refuse.

[Junejer]

Yep, if you don't clear it with me beforehand, it is your debt lady. There is just no way, I am paying $900 for senior pictures. I told my DD (will be a Sr. next year) to get on the pictures, but I am not paying an arm and a leg for it. It's not that serious.