What to do?

[Anonymous]

That really is an awful spot she's put you in. I wouldn't co-sign for anyone for something a big as a car loan, personally. Maybe something small like a computer purchase or the likes, but I really don't want to get saddled with $20-30k of someone else's debt.


She might be your mother, but all she's doing right now is abusing your relationship. No parent should put their child in a position where they have to co-sign. Being the parent, SHE should be the responsible one and taking care of her credit. The fact that she hasn't, and the fact that she's continuing her irresponsible trend (by refusing to make the payments she needs to be making), shows that she's not taking her credit obligations seriously. Like others already pointed out, there's a reason why her credit is bad. And that is in no way your fault.

You might feel bad taking the car away from her - but really, you're not. She's made the decision to refuse to pay for the vehicle, so it's her fault. You reap what you sow. If it was in her name, the car would have been repod months ago already. If anything, you've given her far more time to get her act together than any lender would, but enough is enough. Tell her that you can't afford to keep paying for her car and that it's hurting you financially, and you're going to sell it. If she wants to keep making payments for it, make sure you have the money from her in advance, and make her sign a contract stating she's going to make the payments. It's entirely unacceptable for her to put you in a position like that.

Remember, you're not the one who's trying to make someone else pay for your car just because you don't feel like making the payments. She is. If anyone should be feeling bad and guilty, it's her.

[Anonymous]

---

@Anonymous wrote:

That really is an awful spot she's put you in. I wouldn't co-sign for anyone for something a big as a car loan, personally. Maybe something small like a computer purchase or the likes, but I really don't want to get saddled with $20-30k of someone else's debt.


She might be your mother, but all she's doing right now is abusing your relationship. No parent should put their child in a position where they have to co-sign. Being the parent, SHE should be the responsible one and taking care of her credit. The fact that she hasn't, and the fact that she's continuing her irresponsible trend (by refusing to make the payments she needs to be making), shows that she's not taking her credit obligations seriously. Like others already pointed out, there's a reason why her credit is bad. And that is in no way your fault.

You might feel bad taking the car away from her - but really, you're not. She's made the decision to refuse to pay for the vehicle, so it's her fault. You reap what you sow. If it was in her name, the car would have been repod months ago already. If anything, you've given her far more time to get her act together than any lender would, but enough is enough. Tell her that you can't afford to keep paying for her car and that it's hurting you financially, and you're going to sell it. If she wants to keep making payments for it, make sure you have the money from her in advance, and make her sign a contract stating she's going to make the payments. It's entirely unacceptable for her to put you in a position like that.

Remember, you're not the one who's trying to make someone else pay for your car just because you don't feel like making the payments. She is. If anyone should be feeling bad and guilty, it's her.

---

So very well said Andy!

[nomoore]

It's time to start looking at this from a different perspective. The car is in your name only (this is a very good thing). You are making by far the majority of the payments. This is your car, not hers. You have a car that you are loaning to your mom. Since she is occasionally making a payment for you, you might say she is renting it from you for really cheap. Even if she makes all the payments the car is still in your name, thus it is yours legally. With these facts and the way she has been irresponsible making payments to you I don't see any way she could have a valid argument against this reasoning. You need to let her know this. The car is yours, not hers. You have been kind enough to be loaning it to her for months for a very small charge.

So the situation is you have a car you can't afford. You are upside down on it so you can't sell it. You need to accept that the car is YOURS.

Your mom is in a pickle too. She needs a car but she is on the loan which means with her bad credit she most likely wouldn't even qualify for another car loan as long as the loan for this car exists. That is her problem she has created since she is not honoring your gentleman's agreement. It is something that you need to consider too because you love your mom but you also need to remember it is her lack of resposibilty that is causing the situation. She is the one that broke your agreement. You believe she really can make the full payments so her excuses are just that, excuses!

If you can't sell your car because you are upside down and can't come up with the difference then maybe your mom can help you out. Maybe she can rent the car from you for cheaper than the normal monthly payment. Work with her to get a payment she thinks she can afford and you know you can afford. (It would help if she doesn't know you are in a financial bind and that you pretty much NEED to do this.) You would still own the car but she would have use of it as long as she is helping you with the payments. If she doesn't pay her car rent then you will take the car from her until she can pay that rent. Don't give her any slack for late payments. She has already taken you for a ride far enough. Doing it this way will give her incentive to keep up her rent payments, and you really need that to help you out. Maybe this experience will teach her a little responsibilty. Not likely, but possible.

If you rent it to her then remember she shows no remorse for making you foot the bill. She has demonstrated she is perfectly happy to take a free ride. The only control you have is putting the fear into her that if she misses a car rent payment then she will be without a car and most likely unable to get another loan. Make sure she also knows that this rental is only until you are no longer upside down on the loan and can sell the car. Don't fall for any guilt trips she puts on you. If she does this she is just manipulating you to get her way. Don't stand for that manipulation. Keep the upper hand by sticking to your guns and taking control of YOUR car. 

If you rent it to her you should expect that you will need to take it away from her a couple of times for late payments. She will most likely try to push the limits or maybe she just really is that irresponsible. Either way, she needs to learn and you are put in the position of needing to teach her because you need the money. And of course you need the money because of her lack of responsibilty.

[LS2982]

---

@Anonymous wrote:

The only resolution where no one gets hurt would occur if your mother had a sudden epiphany and paid you back all of the payments you have made, and refinanced the car or paid all of her payments on time in the future. Not likely to happen. I think you need to focus on a resolution that minimizes your future damage.

You do understand that whether you choose to sell the car to a dealership (like CarMax) or private party, you are going to have to come up with the underwater money in order to transfer title and clear the loan. The faster you can find a resolution that allows you to do that the quicker the problem is resolved.

Other than that you may have to resign yourself to the understanding that your own budget is going to have to accommodate this car payment for the length of the term. This is why most of the forum members say "Do not co-sign for anyone under any circumstances." There is a reason why lenders say no to people with a bad history.

The other concern is if the vehicle is wrecked the insurance company is only going to give you the book value and leave you hanging for the remainder unless you have GAP insurance through them or on the loan. All in all a bad situation with not a lot of hope of happy endings.

Perhaps you can make an emotional appeal to mom of how this is putting you in a bad situation financially and what you are having to cut back or lose because of her decisions?

---

+1,000

[LS2982]

---

@Imhotrodcrazy wrote:

What I would do is to first take the car keys so that she can't drive the car anymore.  This also protects you since it is in your name.  I would then put the car up for sale, advertise it as, "take over the payments".  I am sure there are some people out there who don't have the cash to put down on a car, who would be willing to pay a little more for the car under these  circumstances.   This way you would not be selling the car for less than you owe.  This is just another thought on a way to help you get out from under the car payments, without any money out of your pocket.  Good luck to you.  

---

I like tht idea too, but what happens whe nthe new buyer doesn't pay???

[tbolt2]

If I were in your position I would take the car back. 

I've been in a very similar situation, but had no options to get out of it. I paid the price.

Once you get the car back - if you cannot sell the car, look into trading in both of your cars for one car for yourself. If you are not upside down on your car too, you might be able to offset some of the negative of "her" car.....