Parents Demanding Money from Me

[PhilL]

Recently, due to my financial difficulties, which were made worse by the ongoing cost-of-living crisis, I had to move back in with my family. The area where my family and I live is a very high cost of living area.

My parents, both retired, demand that I contribute to the household’s finances as they claim their own difficulty.

They also demanded that I take over payment for a high-interest private student loan from my undergrad days, which they promised I would never have to repay.

I would be fine contributing, and I have contributed a lot in non-money ways, E.g., helping out with household chores, errands, etc.

However, their financial habits give me pause and concern about any monetary contribution. They both shop daily at high-end, expensive grocery stores like Whole Foods. My mother leases a high-maintenance luxury car that costs roughly $600 monthly.

They also have many subscriptions and other things they don't use, and they constantly order food and items from Amazon.

Despite constantly complaining about money, they have been very dismissive of my suggestions to change their spending habits, such as choosing less expensive grocery options.

They have also dismissed my suggestions to do things that wouldn't be painful, such as seeking senior property tax relief, having me mow the lawn instead of spending a couple of thousand on a contract or seeking lower car insurance rates.

Furthermore, I have a physically disabled sister who doesn't work and for whom my parents give anything without questioning cost.

I told my mother about my concerns about taking over a high-interest student loan payment, especially given their promises to me.

I offered to do weekly grocery shopping for them, but she rejected that and demanded I give them $300 monthly in cash instead.

Quite frankly, I feel like they are prying around my finances to see what they can shake me down for. Also, I feel like just giving them money doesn't solve the bottom line, which is that their post-retirement lifestyle is unsustainable.

Both have old-school public sector pensions, which most current government employees would kill for.

My mother specifically did well in the settlement of the estate of my late grandparents.

Despite all of this, I also don't understand why their finances are so bad.

Am I being unreasonable and entitled here? Or do I have a point?

Apologies for this rant, as I honestly don't know?

[JoeRockhead]

I can appreciate you trying to find an equitable and fair solution to help all parties involved. In the end, how, and what your parents spend their money on is completely out of your control, and they presumably look at it as none of your business.  Is it right, or fair... That's likely a matter of one's vantage point, but as most people learn sooner, or later, things in life aren't always fair. 

I obviously don't know the dynamics of your family, or your relationship with your parents. It's obvious they care enough to put a roof over your head, but perhaps they're putting these demands on you not because they're finances are really strained, but because they're disappointed, or even angry with you for, in their view, allowing yourself to get in to this position, and trying to teach you some sort of lesson.  It really doesn't matter what the reasons are.  Rather than saying you're coming off as entitled, I'd say instead that you're wanting the situation to be the most advantageous for you when it comes to getting your obligations/finances/life back in order.  In reality, where else could you live for $300 a month?

Perhaps they'll see things differently down the road. Being they currently seem unwilling to agree to your version of compensation, or go along with the way you have planned things out, for the time being you really have no choice but to do your best with the hand you've been dealt.  Keep your eye on the prize and do what you have to do, you'll get there. 

[GZG]

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@PhilL wrote:

Despite all of this, I also don't understand why their finances are so bad.

Am I being unreasonable and entitled here? Or do I have a point?

Apologies for this rant, as I honestly don't know?

---

the answer above was the nice so here's the not so nice one:

so let me guess this straight

they're paying your ungodly student loans and they're giving you free rent

and you're upset giving them $300/month? 

they could be taking your $300 and burning it in front of you and you should be smiling and saying thank you. 

your other option of course is to move out, pay the full current market value for rent and go back to paying your student loans (or defaulting on them, are they the cosigners?) 

[FlaDude]

This sounds more like it belongs on Reddit.

[Slabenstein]

If, for you to live under their roof, they are asking you to: 1) pay them $300/mo and 2) take over making the payments on your student loans, then do those two things if you want to live under their roof.  Whatever else is going on with their finances is a separate issue.

[GreatLife]

Every problem has a solution. How about refocusing your finance micro-management skills & efforts away from the parents and back to yourself? Determine actions and options that you can use to rent or buy your own roof. Good Luck!

[Varsity_Lu]

If the title of this thread were changed to "Landlord Demanding Money From Me", would that change your perspective on the situation?

[Realist]

Immediately I see the silver lining to this in savings. 

How much was your rent/mortgage payment prior to moving back with your parents?  What is the savings each month after the $300 they are asking for?  I would utilize these savings to get personal financials in order, and then re-evaluate moving out again at a later time.

While the scenario of moving back home with the parents is not what we all hope for, this sounds like an opportunity, and not a punishment.  While mom and dad can at times provide that added fall back shelter if needed, I don't believe that scenario one, where you lived initially before moving out, should repeat once flying the coup, and coming back for scenario two.  Scenario two, we man up, or woman up, and deal with our realities in the current situation.  This is how we learn to permanently fly the coup for good.

Every parent wants to see their children spread their wings, and to go out and plant those roots - for their own benefit.  Some parents may charge rent.  Others may simply charge to pay a bill or two.  But so long as there is co-habitation, there should be financial contributions made along the way.  Immediate family is welcome, but in scenario two, everyone should pitch in financially.  

[DebbsSeattle]

...or Quora.