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Parents kicking me out...

TheBoondocks
Established Contributor

Parents kicking me out...

hey guys, I live in the east bay, California. I'm 28, and my parents are kicking me out. Why? Because they want to pry into my financial life. My dad especially doesnt trust me with money and long story short when we was younger he would give all his kids $1K just to save and use it towards college. However, when in HS he opened up a bank account and I was trying to build a online biz and lost everything. But anyway, I always want to see how much money I make and what I use it for, how much money coming in and out. I pay rent of $300 while my older brother and little brother doesn't. And I think that really made him eye my account since he thinks I'm foolish when it comes to money.

 

I understand his traditional values, growing up in a asian household they have strict rules. I get it, but then again like over money? I dont understand, I cant keep living like this. When I asked him why they dont pay rent, he didnt give a reason. Yet I helped him in everything I did what he tells me to do, yet when he gets mad at me and I get mad, he tells me that I can't get mad and yell at him cause he's my dad... there's just no logical sense. I feel like my dad is prideful yet he feels superior cause he has authority and money and went thru hell just to get to where we are today. I'm grateful and that motivates me but I just dont understand why even in society that once a person has power, authority, and money that they become corrupted. Why is it that when I'm down, they still kick me when I'm out and down? Dont they understand that eventually I will explode and do what I never thought I would do that might end me in jail or so? Not that I want to but it leaves me with no choice...

 

I dont have kids, I have health insurance and no job. I have enough to maybe put a down payment on a house. Only thing is I dont have a degree. I'm thinking about moving to Vegas with my car to live with a friend temporarily but do you guys have any resources? Thanks!

Message 1 of 7
6 REPLIES 6
sxa001
Established Contributor

Re: Parents kicking me out...

I am sorry to hear you are facing what is likely going to be a sudden change for you.  I also understand the frustrations as sometimes the logic of our parents don't mesh with our thinking.  While I moved out of my parents house when I was 19 I did live with them my first year in college and also was made to pay rent, my siblings who were also over 18 didn't pay rent, as you can imagine this was frustrating to me at the time, my dad who passed away 10 years ago was extremely hard on me and I at the time I felt like he was too hard on me but the reality is it taught me to be responsible.  

 

My point is first off, I hope this frustration and maybe anger doesn't get in the way of your relationship with your parents.  

 

Now in terms of advice, you may certainly have to take a lower paying job just to have something. If you have savings for a down payment on a house you may have enough for rent or even to get a hotel in the short term.  It sucks to have to eat into that savings or maybe to change your goals of having your own business but sometimes we take set backs and then we can re-adjust.  

 

I don't have any specific advice for resource.  You are definitely lucky that you will not be on the streets, at the very least the money you have saved could float you for a couple of weeks while you looked for work, it may not be what you want but it will make you stronger and once you have that full independence you will find new joys. 





Message 2 of 7
FinStar
Moderator

Re: Parents kicking me out...

Great advice above.  

Also, depending on your current UEB situation, a variety of counties (depending on where you live) provide some sort of workforce re-entry resources in the event UEBs have ended.  Not having a degree should not discourage you from re-entering the workforce.  I have met plenty of senior managers and executives who do not hold any formal degree and didn't stop them from achieving climbing the ladder.  You have to start somewhere @TheBoondocks.  If you're on social media, there's a variety of recommended side hustles that can bridge some of the $$ gap.

 

If you have $$ saved up, don't use it for a down payment since a mortgage would require a solid source of income.  

Message 3 of 7
Dumbee
Established Contributor

Re: Parents kicking me out...


@FinStar wrote:

Great advice above.  

Also, depending on your current UEB situation, a variety of counties (depending on where you live) provide some sort of workforce re-entry resources in the event UEBs have ended.  Not having a degree should not discourage you from re-entering the workforce.  I have met plenty of senior managers and executives who do not hold any formal degree and didn't stop them from achieving climbing the ladder.  You have to start somewhere @TheBoondocks.  If you're on social media, there's a variety of recommended side hustles that can bridge some of the $$ gap.

 

If you have $$ saved up, don't use it for a down payment since a mortgage would require a solid source of income.  


Nicely put

 

From my experience this year:

 

I moved out right before graduating high school and averaged 950-1400 in rent + util at my spots, 300 for just a room is pretty low especially in CA where it's HCOL? 300 would essentially just cover the utilities that you use and a little token amount over that.

 

I worked restaurants last year and early this year, and less than a year of full college courses, so no degree yet. But a certain big bank known for sapphires gave me a position, and my branch manager actually started from the bottom of the ladder and moved around a couple banks before landing here, and there's plenty of similar opportunities with many companies.

 

Find any job that can fit you there asap, unless you're on some type of UI benefits currently where you may have some leeway to be slightly more choosy, and leverage it into your future employments.

 

And yes, there is practically no way to get a mortgage with no stable and established income


Smiley Embarassed
Personal/40.15K Biz/23K POT/17K
Message 4 of 7
emmma
Established Member

Re: Parents kicking me out...

 

 

 

@TheBoondocks 

 

 

 

We have similar parents and my parents are even worse, they will really hit me on my face.  They never kick me out but I had to leave because I cannot live with someone with get super angry at me for no reason.  When I tried to explain something, they always tell me they are my parents and I have to close my mouth.  I left when I was 22, share rooms with my classmate for over a year, and I got my own apartment last year.  My goal is to maybe apply for a mortgage around 2025.  I still have some scholarships money in my saving, and that is my emergency fund. 

 

 

You story really made me cry because I have never find any parents like my parents, but we have similar experience in a credit group.  This is such a small world.  I am not sure about east bay, but I am in the Los Angeles.  When I moved out of my parents home, I applied to a job, which is bus driver.  I learned how to drive 40 feet and 60 feet, then I become part time, then I become full time after 12 months part time.  Originally, I just need a job, but right now, I really liked my job, pandemic is a different story, but in general, I want to stay and move up in this company.  With almost unlimited overtime opportunity, top steps can easily earn 100,000+100,000 a year.  With all health coverage, family member health coverage, 401k match, pension, second term double pension and double 401k, several drivers make over a quarter million  a year, average 4% increase every year, plus pandemic extra pay, I am currently taking the advantage of education reimbursement.   

 

 

Life is full of surprise, I always wanted to be a teacher or professor, but now, I am so happy to drive a 60 feet every day.  That is what happened after I moved out of my parents home, I just want to share with you maybe my experience can help you in some way.  Some advice I want to give you is get a job, continue education if it is possible, do not explode.  Every night when I cry in my bed, I have thought about the same thing, but eventually after I moved out, everything becomes much better.  Do not make any mistakes that may impact your life, and try to think positive, when I was done, I always think about the new car is waiting for me, the big house is waiting for me, the ability to buy pizza every day is waiting for me.  So every time when my parents insult me or hit me, I get up, I work even harder the next day, the ability to convert anger to power to push me forward toward my goal, and I am getting closer every day.  You can do the same.  We can never choose our parents, and I am jealous of many of my friends parents, but, even though we can not have a great parents like that, but we can work hard to be a parent like that, at lease we can make sure that we work hard so our kids do not have to experience what we have experienced, at least we can create a better childhood for our kids.  

 

 

I just want to say please do not give up, you never know how many of my friends in the company started this job when they are homeless, and now, they have mercedes and their kids are going to private school, just like they are having 2 mercedes payments.  You never what they experienced 30 years ago, but they are live so good right now.  You can do it, always believe in yourself.  Everytime when I was done, I listen to the fight song by Rachel Platten, this song always give me power, always, I can always cheer up just by listening to this song, I have no idea why, but it always works out for me.  I wish you all the best, and the decision is always in your hands.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Message 5 of 7
TheBoondocks
Established Contributor

Re: Parents kicking me out...

@emmma 

 

Wow Emma, although I don't know you personally that really hit home, its refreshing to see that I'm not alone. I actually do plan to further my education, I'm actually thinking about going back to school for accounting. Being a bus driver, you make really good money and their benefits are really good! Seems like everybody lives in Los Angeles lol I'm tired of the bay area; Northern California. But yeah, I know what you mean by not exploding, I've watched criminal cases about how people get into relationship and eventually one person kill their partner, or how one child got really mad at their parents and hired a hitman to charge their parents. It's sad... I couldn't do that, I would just leave as you did. It's better to just walk away if you're not comfortable or not in a safe environment. I'm the same way, I'm a emotional dude, I cry at night too... Thank you for your testimony and I will remain strong in every situation!

Message 6 of 7
emmma
Established Member

Re: Parents kicking me out...

@TheBoondocks 

 

I was down for several years, and I was lost for several years.  But I was able to manage to restart my life without my parents, I believe you can do it, too.  Depression and anger are only temporary, if you are able to get over them, then you will be on your own way to succeed.  I wish you all the best, 2021 is a great start for you.  Never give up.  

 

 

 

 

Message 7 of 7
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