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Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

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Ddub
Established Member

Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

I'm not exactly queen on the dating scene to begin with- 34 and never even had a boyfriend.  Yikes!  Right now I'm taking a break from dating since I'm travelling abroad for a year but as I'm getting closer to coming back to the US, and met one or two guys recently that if we were in the same country maybe it would've worked out, I have this question on my mind: how much will a guy avoid someone with a sketchy financial history?  I am only now establishing credit, about 1.5 yrs in.  So far scores have gone up and up, though still struggling for some cards.  This I don't think is a problem.  However, I have $140k now in student loans after recent degree program.  I will come back to the US with basically no money and try to get something set up.  I have a new career where I could earn anything from $15/hr to 300k a year.  Average full-time before taxes is 60k in my profession, most people operate with their own business and don't work for someone else.  I however, will move to a new city where I don't know anyone (or almost anyone) and know that business isn't my forte, so I want to work for someone (good possibility to get job(s) in the city I'll move to).

 

I don't have savings or 401 k or any of that stuff.

 

I'm not interested in having kids, I know how to do stuff cheap, can't imagine NOT working for the rest of my life and honestly no problem with that.  I like my careers and the new one in particular is super rewarding, keeps my mind sharp, and not physically taxing.

I don't have any debt other than the student loans. I have never had a problem to support myself and am not looking for any help in that regard.

 

Even so is this like a giant red flag for guys around my dating pool age (let's say 30-45) or do they not care at all?  In general of course.

I know obviously someone like Angelina Jolie would never have a problem, but for an average type person?

 

 

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Message 1 of 22
21 REPLIES 21
Revelate
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

Depends on their own experiences and financial resources.

 

I wouldn't kick someone to the curb over 100K or whatever in student loan debt assuming everything else was solid: it can be paid.  A far bigger red flag to me is people who are spending every available dollar, which likely translates to future relationship where our every available dollar is being spent and I just don't want to live like that.

 

The fact is many people in our demographic here in the States tend to have little in the way of assets, so I wouldn't worry about that; however, it's becoming more and more common to need to disclose that... as long as you have a story to go along with the debt, it should be a simple conversation especially if you're managing your finances successfully now.




        
Message 2 of 22
youdontkillmoney
Valued Contributor

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

if I fell for you and want to be with you, we'd take care of your financial issues together. I say "your" since I have none, but if we'd get maried my resources become yours and your problems become mine. So hopefully you find someone who thinks this way. And if he has financial issues hopefully you too will see it the same way, his issues are now yours too.

Message 3 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

I think you'll be fine. Anyone that posts to this site at all cares a little aboit fixing there credit/finances. 

Message 4 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

I've found the quality guys who care about their credit find it attractive if you care about your credit.  Also, they might be 600 members, but they they can rattle off as much Intel as yourself.

 

goes back to the homage of seek a partner who shares the same interests. 

 

While waiting for The Rock Johnson to arrive on my doorstep professing his undying love, I created a 401k and IRA.  He didn't show but another handsome guy did without my searching, and irony is, he works in Finance. Smiley LOL  no, I don't date my planner. 

Message 5 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

Personally,  I don't know.  I got out of a relationship/marriage after 14 years and taking a bankruptcy,  but I was not happy with him.   There were outside components besides finances that ruined the relationship.    With the relationship being of 2 guys,  it is probably different.      The current relationship I am in has the guy with a part time job and he is a student.    I don't judge him too much,  but sometimes it is hard.     To answer your question,  I guess it will determine what the circumstance of both people are.   


@Ddub wrote:

I'm not exactly queen on the dating scene to begin with- 34 and never even had a boyfriend.  Yikes!  Right now I'm taking a break from dating since I'm travelling abroad for a year but as I'm getting closer to coming back to the US, and met one or two guys recently that if we were in the same country maybe it would've worked out, I have this question on my mind: how much will a guy avoid someone with a sketchy financial history?  I am only now establishing credit, about 1.5 yrs in.  So far scores have gone up and up, though still struggling for some cards.  This I don't think is a problem.  However, I have $140k now in student loans after recent degree program.  I will come back to the US with basically no money and try to get something set up.  I have a new career where I could earn anything from $15/hr to 300k a year.  Average full-time before taxes is 60k in my profession, most people operate with their own business and don't work for someone else.  I however, will move to a new city where I don't know anyone (or almost anyone) and know that business isn't my forte, so I want to work for someone (good possibility to get job(s) in the city I'll move to).

 

I don't have savings or 401 k or any of that stuff.

 

I'm not interested in having kids, I know how to do stuff cheap, can't imagine NOT working for the rest of my life and honestly no problem with that.  I like my careers and the new one in particular is super rewarding, keeps my mind sharp, and not physically taxing.

I don't have any debt other than the student loans. I have never had a problem to support myself and am not looking for any help in that regard.

 

Even so is this like a giant red flag for guys around my dating pool age (let's say 30-45) or do they not care at all?  In general of course.

I know obviously someone like Angelina Jolie would never have a problem, but for an average type person?

 

 


 

Message 6 of 22
Callandra
Valued Contributor

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?


@Ddub wrote:

I'm not exactly queen on the dating scene to begin with- 34 and never even had a boyfriend.  Yikes!  Right now I'm taking a break from dating since I'm travelling abroad for a year but as I'm getting closer to coming back to the US, and met one or two guys recently that if we were in the same country maybe it would've worked out, I have this question on my mind: how much will a guy avoid someone with a sketchy financial history?  I am only now establishing credit, about 1.5 yrs in.  So far scores have gone up and up, though still struggling for some cards.  This I don't think is a problem.  However, I have $140k now in student loans after recent degree program.  I will come back to the US with basically no money and try to get something set up.  I have a new career where I could earn anything from $15/hr to 300k a year.  Average full-time before taxes is 60k in my profession, most people operate with their own business and don't work for someone else.  I however, will move to a new city where I don't know anyone (or almost anyone) and know that business isn't my forte, so I want to work for someone (good possibility to get job(s) in the city I'll move to). I'm female but I guess I'll offer my opinion! I think if you meet a guy who really cares about you, he will be okay with your loans/debt and will try to help you. I don't have debt and my fiance always offers to help me out with expensive things like my doctor's visits. 

 

I don't have savings or 401 k or any of that stuff. Most people our age don't. 

 

I'm not interested in having kids, I know how to do stuff cheap, can't imagine NOT working for the rest of my life and honestly no problem with that.  I like my careers and the new one in particular is super rewarding, keeps my mind sharp, and not physically taxing. My experience with dating is that the no kids thing seems to be more of a deal-breaker than money. I do not want kids either (I most likely will not be able to give birth anyway) and that was an on going issue with past boyfriends and even my current fiance (who has just realized he really doesn't want kids anyway at this point). 

I don't have any debt other than the student loans. I have never had a problem to support myself and am not looking for any help in that regard.

 

Even so is this like a giant red flag for guys around my dating pool age (let's say 30-45) or do they not care at all?  In general of course.

I know obviously someone like Angelina Jolie would never have a problem, but for an average type person?

 

 


 

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Message 7 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

Somewhat- But if the person with fair credit is open to working on it and has other important skillsets then the credit part is minor-

Message 8 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?


@Callandra wrote:

I don't have savings or 401 k or any of that stuff. Most people our age don't. 

 

 


 

I don't agree with this...I am younger and I already have it established, albeit in five figures not six or seven or eight.. I've also met tons of folks younger than me who not only have savings, 401k and investments but, a fund for a house separate from it all.
I don't think this is also something that a spouse would care about because unless they can see into the future and know 1) they're gonna be with u for 50+ years and 2) they'll outlive you and 3) you won't give it to the kids or a relative instead--401k is self/sole.
savings I understand because sadly it is very common for folks not to have even 2k in savings, rather they will contribute to 401k and spend everything else.
before you worry about a guy finding you attractive (no doubt) and whether they'll be turned off by the lack of $$$ or credit you have..

 

i would focus on building your credit, savings and retirement, for YOURSELF...because, you never know.

 

Message 9 of 22
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Will men avoid dating someone with meh finances?

First focus on yourself. Don't share too muc initially, but it it evolve. Once things start getting seriou having conversations about finances is important. Money tends to be one of the great stressers of relationship.

 

What did you study since your salary range from $15/hr to $300K is extremely broad, i.e from $30-300,000?

Message 10 of 22
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