Money and relationships...Need advice

[Anonymous]

Hey all. Just a bit of background: I'm a young guy, single, no student debt, credit card debt or any other debt for that matter and I'm fresh out of college, living at home and looking for an apartment. I have two questions.

1.) Do girls/guys expect girls/guys to have money saved up by the time they get into a serious relationship/get married?

2.) How do married couples or people in relationships do their finances? My parents had a joint account that both of their paychecks went into that they used for things they both had to agree on or at least know about (mortgage, car, clothing, allowance for kids, etc) and small separate accounts that they didn't have to ask permission to use (gifts for the other person and miscellaneous stuff like poker nights for the guys or cocktail parties for girls). The small personal accounts would each get a small monthly allowance from the joint account that would be equal and nothing to worry about, say $100/$200 per month, each. Any alternative solutions? I'm sure there are tons, I'm just curious as to how you all in relationships/marriages do it.

I started thinking about this when I made a budget to see how much I could afford to pay in rent. Basically I found out that besides small 401(k) contributions, I'll be saving nothing despite living a stingy existence. I can't even imagine how people with lots of debt manage it all!

How do you guys/gals do it?

[haulingthescoreup]

Good questions!

For number 1, I didn't have the sense to have savings myself or expect others to have them. Different world though, now.

For number 2, I like your parents' solution. Fund the joint account (proportionally by income, IMO) and split the rest, going into personal accounts.

Actually, if someone can smuggle you a copy, Suze Orman's Women and Money addresses a lot of this. As much as she annoys me, I like a lot of the advice she gives, especially in her books.

[Anonymous]

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:
Good questions!

For number 1, I didn't have the sense to have savings myself or expect others to have them. Different world though, now.

For number 2, I like your parents' solution. Fund the joint account (proportionally by income, IMO) and split the rest, going into personal accounts.

Actually, if someone can smuggle you a copy, Suze Orman's Women and Money addresses a lot of this. As much as she annoys me, I like a lot of the advice she gives, especially in her books.

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Haha, Suze Orman's eccentricity amuses me. Thanks for the suggestion though, I'll see if the library's got a copy.

[fishbjc]

I don't think many girls expect a guy just beginning his *life* to have much in the way of savings or assets.

My husband and I combine bank accounts, but we each have $$$ per month that we spend with no questions asked.  We usually decide together, any large purchases such as furniture, etc.

All household expenses are put on one cc so we pretty much know where the money is and what is spent.

[llecs]

1) DW didn't expect money to be saved but it was my goal to have money saved to cover both the wedding and the honeymoon. I also wanted to have a budget in play to where we would be in a position to enjoy our newlywed lives without being in financial duress. She never wanted to work after college and having her join me without any income was actually a blessing. I knew if we wanted to have more $$, then I'd have to work harder/smarter.

2) We all have seperate accounts for checking, savings, investments, and CCs. The only thing we are joint on are the cars and our future home. It is my goal to fund her account on the first of the month to cover the kids' tuition, school expenses, and her fun money. I don't ask her what she's spending money on, I just give her a ton of flexibility on where the money goes. In fact, I tell her whatever she doesn't spend her money on, she has to return the leftover to me (which she never does). I'll cover bills, rent, car and CC payments. I'll also take care of savings, investments, and our biz expenses.

Budgeting is key. Even if you are off, it is a good way to see where your money is going to. Savings is important too. I find it easy to take everything in small bites. If you are able to save x% each month, then 3 months from now try to save x% + 1%. Next quarter, bump it to x% + 2%. Point is, you won feel or notice 1% more each time.

[MattH]

My wife and I married in graduate school, and of course neither of us had any money back then but for grad students poverty is of course standard.

As for how we manage finances:  Both our names are on the mortgage and one credit card.  Other than that, each of us has individual bank accounts and credit cards.  My name is the only name on the car.  Instead of transferring money between her account and mine, we shift around who pays which bills.  About once a month we sit down and go over the financial stuff.

Major decisions we make together, smaller purchases are made by each of us individually, and the dollar threshold for what needs to be discussed prior to purchase has gradually increased over the years with our income and savings to the point where each of us occasionally makes a purchase of around a thousand dollars without consulting the other; we both earn it so we both feel empowered to spend it within reason.

At this point in our lives we do make what we call "time-versus-money tradeoffs" differently than we did in graduate school days, back then we'd expend considerable time to save a little money but now we sometimes spend a fair amount of money to save time.

One of the decisions we made that allows us to not worry about money very much is that we live in a much smaller residence than do most people in our income bracket; since we don't have kids we feel a house is more space than we need to maintain anyhow, so we live in a two-bedroom condo.  Thus our total housing cost is about 10% of our combined gross income.  For similar reasons I'm still driving a 2000 Toyota Camry.

By keeping the basic expenses down, we can spend quite freely in other areas, give 10% to charity, and still save every year.  Furthermore, if we needed to we could instantly stop doing things like eating out.  It's harder to cut housing or car costs on short notice, so overcommiting on those can be dangerous.

[marty56]

I also think couples should keep finances seperate.  If something happens to me, DW has her own credit.

[MattH]

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@marty56 wrote:
I also think couples should keep finances seperate.  If something happens to me, DW has her own credit.

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Exactly so.  My wife would inherit all our assets, plus life insurance benefits, if something happens to me, but it is important that she would also have immediate access to her own accounts while the probate and insurance stuff is in process.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you are thinking about this stuff so early.  Some adults never do.

Every couple has a different way of dealing with finances. I just got married, and DH and I were each married once before. We have our own assets (plus he has CC debt) and yes, we signed a prenup. We keep everything separate but just opened a joint checking account. We use that account only for food and utilities plus we opened a separate savings account for vacations.  So he pays for his kids' college tuition and I feed my shoe habit.   Eventually things will change but this seemed to be the way to start.

Again, congrats on being debt-free and being forward-thinking on this incredibly important aspect of your life!

PS: If you meet a girl and she "expects" you to have money saved but she doesn't, I'd think twice about getting involved ...

[Anonymous]

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@Anonymous wrote:

It's great that you are thinking about this stuff so early.  Some adults never do.

Every couple has a different way of dealing with finances. I just got married, and DH and I were each married once before. We have our own assets (plus he has CC debt) and yes, we signed a prenup. We keep everything separate but just opened a joint checking account. We use that account only for food and utilities plus we opened a separate savings account for vacations.  So he pays for his kids' college tuition and I feed my shoe habit.   Eventually things will change but this seemed to be the way to start.

Again, congrats on being debt-free and being forward-thinking on this incredibly important aspect of your life!

PS: If you meet a girl and she "expects" you to have money saved but she doesn't, I'd think twice about getting involved ...

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I think you guys have a great system going masdeocho; some sort of joint account for combined expenses and separate accounts for individual expenses. I feel like every couple probably wouldn't have the same exact set-up though, just because personal preferences vary so much.

Also, after reading some of you all's posts, it made me realize married couples probably don't stick to the same plan forever. Couples together for a couple of years without kids probably do things much differently from couples together for 10 years with several kids.

Haha and btw, I'll try to avoid those gold diggers, looking to take me for the tens and tens of dollars I've got in savings.

Thanks for the comments everyone.