Discussing FICO score whilst in a serious Relationship

[frugal]

Not to share to much personal info but I just thought of a subject that needs to be brought up. I feel Fico Scores need to be discussed (IMHO) when in a serious relationship. When I had a the 471 score I was in a relationship and was on the verge of marriage.  I'm so thankful the relationship dissolved, and I know now it wouldn't have survived if I didn't change.  I felt very embarrased and didn't even tell her my scores.  It appeared that I had a good score, but I was living a lie. We even we talked about maybe buying a home- as many of you know, trying to buy a house with a LOW score as mine was not going to happen (at least back then)

Eventhough her score was pretty good (speculation), she would spend and only would pay the min payment on her CC every month. The reason I say "speculation" because when she wanted to buy something, she would get approved on Big Ticket items.  We were together for more than 2 years, but I felt I couldn't ask her because I knew my score was "jacked" up.  

Because of what I know now, it feels good to know that I can communicate on this subject and not feel embarrased when being in a relationship. I think FEAR is a main component when facing credit issues.

Here are some questions: When being in a serious relationship, is it prevelant to know each other Credit scores? Should there be a red flag, when someone is spending and only paying for the min every month?  If you find out that the one you love has a Score, ie of 471, should you tell them to "get lost" or try to help them?

I really would like to hear opinions on this subject.

Message Edited by frugal on 05-13-2008 06:50 AM

Message Edited by frugal on 05-13-2008 06:54 AM

[Anonymous]

You absolutely should talk about finances and share credit reports BEFORE marriage.  The best predictor of future performance is the past. 

The is one area where I believe you should be equally yoked.

[haulingthescoreup]

Before and during!

Finances are the number one cause of problems in a marriage.

Not only will a bad credit history limit the couple's ability to get mortgages, etc., it can also be an indication of a cavalier or irresponsible attitude toward keeping promises, which is what getting credit implies: I promise to pay this money back to you. And please everyone, don't jump all over me, I know that there are millions of reasons for bad credit, including medical disasters, layoffs, vengeful ex's, ID theft, the whole nine yards. That's why I said it * can * be an indication.

If someone cheerfully melts the plastic on a regular basis without thinking about how it's going to be paid for, and by whom, and what the final real cost of the purchases will be, that's a scary person to be involved with, IMO.

And if they think that this is either not important enough to share with you, or even worse, if they hide it from you, then yikes, there are going to be some really long Discussions on down the road.

[Anonymous]

I think you pull both credit reports before you buy the engagement ring and before you order the prenup. This board is littered with questions about how to remove derogs caused by an ex-spouse. Don't let it happen to you.

[RobertEG]

WOW,  I am saying this in sympathy, my friend, for I have also been through it, but on the back end, and they call that DIVORCE!  You dodged the legal bullet!!!!

Know not only her breast and thigh meat, but also her FICO, bank account, and all liabilities.

Quote the divorcee, nevermore!

But simply going into mariage does not merge your credit with hers.

Message Edited by RobertEG on 05-13-2008 07:55 AM

Message Edited by RobertEG on 05-13-2008 07:58 AM

[Anonymous]

Gosh we are just confirming what we all complain about. Yes it shows a little bit of how someone may live life. Are they responsible? Someone with a 420 score because of a single big medical emergency expense can be explainable and passed looked. But then there are multiple charge offs from CCs and collections from simple things. Yea, I'd want to know if the person I am with had this personality. However I found that I the person I would be attracted to would be very responsible and not likely to have defaults just because this personality type would not be the one to walk away from debts. I am pretty sure I could see this in a person after a few months down the road and not need a credit report to confirm this.

However it could save lots of time. Yea knowing what I know now if I had the chance to find out a potential partners credit score and see their credit report I'd want to know as fast as possible. I would not be dating someone that walks away from debt just because they don't want to pay it and I can't date someone who is not responsible. To me the difference is only about responsibility and commitment. That goes with everything in life it's not just something you choose here and there. Credit can show a personality type and yea confirms why an employer would want to see your credit history. I think the history is more important than the current report in some cases.

I might walk away if I just met someone with a 420 but I'd first want to know what happened since some hardships are unavoidable and understandable. But if from careless spending and walking away from commitments why would I want a relationship with someone like that? It's about a personality.

But if I really liked someone and things were really working between us I would not walk away so fast. I'd keep all expenses very very separate and think about the possible issues since later those debts will become my debts too. There are great relationships where one person has to handle the finances for both people and it works fine this way. My good friends mom give an allowance to the dad because he'd spend all the money and have to default on every debt. So the mom is the stability and together they work great and have a terrific partnership. Sometimes the other half balances things out. That's not for me because I will tell you the dad makes mistakes all the time with everything else too. I could never deal with it but they have been married for so long and so very happy. The mom is strong and keep track of everything so there are no financial problems. It works for them.

Getting married. DEFINITELY WOULD PULL CREDIT REPORTS. Collections can try to come after me. I want to know all I am getting in to.

Other than that I don't think many of you will be surprised to lean your partners scores. I think you probably already have an idea by getting to know them.

My girlfriend had a score of 680-700 when I met her. I rubbed off a bit and a few years later she has a 740-760 and still in college. She had plenty of help from me. People can change too if they want to. Sometimes a relationship makes someone interested in being a different person. So take the scores lightly but learn why they have the scores they do good and bad.

Message Edited by ilovepizza on 05-13-2008 11:21 AM

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on wheter you are doing manual or automated underwriting!  Really, I think everyone is putting a little too much stock in a FICO score.  You should absolutely discuss finances and credit but to evaluate a relationship upon a FICO score is crazy.  There are way to many factors that can sway a FICO score that really do not give an accurate picture of an individual.  Marry me honey, oops, you were just rebucketed so I can't marry you now!  I think that many of us are placing way too much importance on the FICO score which is just what Fair Issac wants!

[Anonymous]

depends on how you define a "serious relationshup"

I would never get a joint account with anyone under any circumstances. Just like I would never make a purchase I could not afford to pay off myself.

Mmmmmm.......... I wonder how many "relationships" dissolve due to financial issues.

[marty56]

My fiancee dumped me since I had a 70k of credit card debt.  She  never gave me a chance to correct the problem (which I finaly did).

Many people here have had credit problems in the past and some might have had spouses or signifcant others dump them as a result of it.  How many of you here who have had problems would have stated that it was okay to dump them without giving them a chance to set things right.

Its easy to throw stones at other people when your credit scores are high but when something happens to knock them down, boy do you want some luv from the CCC, CA or CRA.

A low FICO score is not a good enough reason to end a relationship.  Give the person the same chance to fix the problem as you want your creditors to give you.

Use your knowledge of credit to teach someone to better themselves.  Who knows, they might suprise you and change.  I did.

Message Edited by marty56 on 05-13-2008 02:50 PM

[Anonymous]

---

@Anonymous wrote:

depends on how you define a "serious relationshup"

I would never get a joint account with anyone under any circumstances. Just like I would never make a purchase I could not afford to pay off myself.

Mmmmmm.......... I wonder how many "relationships" dissolve due to financial issues.

---

Some churches will require a premarital counseling. Part of what we went through was showing each other our bills. Very different than credit scores, but whatever debt we had, we had to bring it to the table. We both understood what we were getting into.

As far as FICO scores go, he had full knowledge that I was in credit hell for a while. I became a credit nightmare AFTER marriage. However, I had a serious medical condition, then I got pregnant and was put on bedrest. I was collecting disability (small in comparison to my earnings before), but we were not insured. DH at this time only made $10 an hour. We had a mortgage and a car payment and we had to pay for the OB/GYN. I had several student loans, and I was overwhelmed. I would fill out deferment letters, the whole nine.

Then my child was born, and he had medical issues. I became so wrapped up in this I literally ignored the student loans. Long story short, sometimes good people do stupid things. Sometimes the credit issues happen after you are committed. We endured fiscally hard times together. Endured very different credit pictures (his is close to perfect) and today we enjoy a more comfortable life. While I still have negatives on my reports,I have no outstanding bills. And it will take time to have scores like his. I am thankful that during this process only my credit was affected.

Now when I get a medical bill, I call them that day, put it on my credit card and know I can pay it and earn points on the doctor bills. We have been together for 12 years. The only financial "problem"- I am jealous of his FICO scores!

Hope I didn't bore you to tears with this!