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I would save for the downpayment. I would not buy with the boyfriend.
Definitely save up and pay more than minimum payment on card. Also I concur with others. Do not purchase with boyfriend...it is not worth the headache down the road if something negative happens and you never know what that could be. Previous Lawsuit, Child Support you don't know anything about..Do it yourself and then down the road if everything works out great and you two get married..maybe add him later or refinance to put his name on it.
FWIW, marriages can end with the same speed as boyfriend/girlfriend agreements.
I can't disagree that buying alone provides more long term security to whoever owns a home. I'm just opposed to the notion that only one party in a relationship deserves a relative sense of security because they aren't married.
Pay vs save? I'm struggling with that, too. I'd love to lower my utilization (by more than 10%) but it would screw up down payment savings.
I'm reading a Suze Orman book and she is saying to pay the minimum on cards and use the rest to save during this economic time. She says she knows it's not good for the FICO to do this, and throws interest money away, but that having some security in the bank is far worth it when unemployment is so high, etc.
Sorry to be quoting Suze all over today. I never thought I'd be someone reading a book about women & finances. Glad I am, though. I felt so guilty today bc I bought 100 dollar boots, so I'm wearing tonight for an xmas work party and returning tomorrow. I'da never given it a second thought before.
And I agree w/ Drkaje about a non-married relationship being less stable than a married one. I think this whole discussion got started bc OP showed some hesitancy in her post about buying with the boyfriend in the first place.
I missed the "nervous for obvious reasons" line.
If at all nervous, don't do it. That's one of the advantages to being single, LOL!
Hey! Thanks for all the great advice!
I like the idea of paying min. +$50. I think I will make that my goal and place the rest in savings. I have worked really hard over the last year and have paid off close to $10,000 in credit card debt and I am down to the last of my debt with the $4k remaining. (Hence the no $$ in savings) It feels great to be so close, but I'm antsy to be done with it.
The boyfriend situation is a little more tricky. I'm trying not to let emotion be my guide but the logic isn't much better (I'm a pretty skeptical person). He currently owns a condo, and has his child living with him. His condo is not large enough for the 4 of us, nor in a location that works for my daughter and I. I moved back with my parents a year ago to get myself ready to buy this spring. Him and I started dating during this past year and have been discussing marriage and more children, however, I need to move before any of that happens and I do no wish to rent, nor rush a marriage.
I hate to put the cart before the horse and have told him that I would like to buy on my own, but his reasoning is that if I do that, then in a year, we'll both have a home to sell (so that we can find somewhere to live that accommodates all 4 of us, plus more?, since I probably could not afford to do so initially on my own income). He does not want to live in a house that does not have his name on it for his own reasons and says that if for some reason things don't work out between the two of us, one would just buy the other out. (my intuition says it could never be that simple)
Anyways, the explanation is simply to fill in unanswered questions. I know that decision will require much more thought and investigation on my behalf. I'm not one to let anyone threaten my independence and hard work, and really need some basic information on how the joint mortgage happens, to know if it would even benefit us at any point in time.
Again, thank you all SO very much for taking the time to respond. I really do appreciate it.
If it were me and you think you relationship is good, I would say go for it. IMO marriage is overrated, I don't need anyone or a certificate to justify anything. My great aunt bless her heart...she has passed...her and my uncle was together for 60 years never married. Everyone in the family thought they were married, but according to society they were not. I have had family married then divorced and not married still together. Your relationship seem stable, so I would suggest to go ahead and do it. In my state if you are married then everything gets split down the middle, and it does not matter who own it, who name is on the deed or who pays. Marriage is just a custom IMO, and you can be married without paper work. Find someone you love and when you decied you are married IMO you are. However, its your choice and I don't think we should be telling you not to buy with your boyfriend or not. Thats to personal !It's highly up to you, and it don't matter if you do it with him or with out him.
I'm not one to do a lot of math but how much equity would there really be to buy one party out of after owning a year? If you're struggling financially now, what miracle is going to make: giving back half the down payment, reimburse half the principle actually paid on a mortgage, half the property taxes, etc... Doable? Would one party want to be bought out at sale price, current market value, and how much time would they need to find a new house?
Based upon what you've typed here, it seems to be one of those situations where you'd be better off and more secure buying alone. You probably just haven't found a non-confrontational way to say it out loud, yet.
I'm looking at a similar situation, right this very minute. DGF wants to be either on the mortgage or title to have some security. I don't really think it makes sense because nothings going to happen within the next year that would realistically make it possible for either of us to do a buy out. That being said, I have three kids and really can't see any sense putting them in a situation where a break-up means Dad is apartment shopping. The kids are only with me/us alternate weekends, though.
my25reasons - you mentioned a few good points to consider
* you and he do NOT live together
* HE has made a stance that HE will NOT live in a place that his name is not on the title
* he has NOT volunteered to sell his condo to help with a purchase (if it were to come to that YEARS down the road - he said you would have 2 places to sell)
* both of you have kids -- blended families do not always work out -- and you don't even have time to play house before a purchase
* the location of his condo is not ideal for you & your child, but it IS the location that works for him & child...is there a comparable place to be that works for everyone?
So what if you can't afford to purchase a home big enough for four? Define big enough for four! Define ideal location for everyone - all four of you.
I know this may sound harsh, but he's already telling you how it's going to be and trying to control YOUR purchase of a house. That is NOT a good way to continue in a relationship.
This house purchase should be for you and your child. It needs to be what you two want and need. IF things move to marriage and more kids as it has been suggested, re-evaluate. Lots of people make do in small houses.
It sounds to me like you and your child have made all the sacrifices to buy a home and will continue to do so. It doesn't sound like boyfriend is willing to make any sacrifices to get his name on title.
Really, really think about it. I still suggest your house, your name only.
FWIW, my25reasons,
IOBA gave you thoughtful and well reasoned advice.
+1000. To add, I would only say that your future is determined by you, and not necessarily open to
compromise with the whims or goals of others. Here's hoping you use sound judgement and have
the results you seek. Good Luck!