Men, I have a question.....

[SunriseEarth]

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@Sheisaking wrote:

When is too soon to ask a guy about his finances? Dating this guy for a few months and everything is going well. I'm a planner and stay try to stay on top of everything. I really like him and can see myself being with him for a while, so I want to know about his financial history. It's important to me. I want to know upfront what i'm dealing with before things get anymore serious. I don't want to put him off by asking. How should  I approach it? When is too soon to ask? Help, please ;-)

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Personally, I think unless you're in a position to where his finances could impact yours, it's really his business and not yours.   If you're considering things like taking a vacation together, moving in together, making a major purchase together, or engagement, then it's your business.  

[Anonymous]

"If someone is responsible with credit cards, he’s more likely to talk about them. If he’s reckless or against them and uses a debit card, chances are he doesn’t know enough about credit or may have run into a financial pothole. So if you sense resistance, there may be more to it than the privacy issue; after all, doesn’t steady dating include getting to know each other? At some point down the road, an issue not easily touched on could be a signal of trouble, and who wants to marry into that?"

So even though I use a debit card, and not a credit card, I must be in a financial pothole, or don't know much about credit? I am a guy that works more of a dead end job, but hey I have enough money to support myself, put some in the bank, pay taxes, and well live pretty well while upgrading a desktop computer from a value of about $400-$500 to a $5000 Gaming PC with a budget of $1000.

Just because someone were to prefer to use a debit card instead of a credit card doesn't mean they aren't financially unstable or in a "pothole." Yes there are a lot of 'kids' out there that do not know much about credit, but yet they will get a credit card at 18 and max it out before they have had it for a month then have to ask mum and pa to help pay it off...

Yet now to help answer your question, personally, I would more think that you have a control to how far it goes, if you are going to each other places and falling asleep together (you get a good view of what his money is like), how he were to take you to dinner, or out for the dates...maybe he goes cheap, maybe he goes with something that is fun, cheap, and out of a regular date (being from Montana would be out to the middle of nowhere and star gazing while listening to music and having some fast food or beer). But if you can't tell what his financials are by the way he treats himself and you, maybe you should sit down and ask. You can explain yourself for you asking him, and if he does understand, that just means more to the fact that he would care for you. If you doesn't and thinks you are just another gold digger, then that just means that relationship was more for fun and not to hope for something lasting.

[vanillabean]

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@Anonymous wrote:

So even though I use a debit card, and not a credit card, I must be in a financial pothole, or don't know much about credit?

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Many use a debit card, because they don’t trust themselves to use a credit card responsibly. This "experience highlights the problems inherent in using a debit card. Fraudulent transactions come directly out of your checking account, and you sometimes have to fight with your financial institution to get the money back.” Credit cards offer far better protection - and rewards!

[Anonymous]

Yes I am, I do not need any more money than I make, I make enough to put some to the side for emergencies if needed, I spend enough to survive paycheck to paycheck (yes I work a deadend job) but I am happy with what I do...yet soon I might start making more money on the side as I start building computers that run better and longer than Alienware computers.

**It probably helps that I am single to be able live within my own means, but as it is, I am happy with how my life is going, I don't need change, if change were to come, it would be either be by choice or something that comes along in the path to which I live my life.

As for protection, you don't need too much protection when you keep an eye on it and keep up with your financials.

I have assests in Emergency Savings (cannot be withdrawn without signature (paper only))

I have assests in stocks (with a good dividend in most the stocks)

I have assests from work (I.E. Health Benefits, 401k, etc)

I have liquid assests from the paycheck that is put into each of the above (enough to survive me with little money for 2 weeks while staying healthy)

[Goblin]

I would think it's hot if a woman mentioned her FICO.  Who knows..what if he's a member here as well?  You never know until you talk.

[masscredit]

I read something earlier this year. It asked what credit card a person uses on their first date. For myself, I prefer to use cash. Why? Because I don't want anyone following my non-essential spending.  I think the credit topic comes up as two people really start to get close and know more about eachother. It might not even be a direct conversation. More along the lines of the experiences that have got them to where they are now.

And ladies, most of you know that us men will say that our scores are bigger than they really are 

[Anonymous]

Very thought provoking thread ... that said there is a piece that is not mentioned. The part where we think we can change the person and "love is blind." From living lots of life I can say you need to be aware that whatever habit(s) the person has established it is difficult for you to change them. They have to want change. So as was mentioned in this thread, looking at financials is real business since "you" may not be able to change them. Yes ... "love is blind."

[marty56]

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@masscredit wrote:

 For myself, I prefer to use cash. Why? Because I don't want anyone following my non-essential spending.

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I also do that in case DW looks at my CC statement.

Seriously, when I was single I would do that since it makes it easier to go Dutch  and thus making it less pressure for the woman.  LOL sometimes that was an indicatior that date #2 wasn't going to happen based on how fast she whipped that cash out.

[vanillabean]

Change is a funny thing. People don’t want change, and yet they seek novelty. Just look at the magazine section at a bookstore; people are very determined in their page flipping, some bring from the shelves to the cafe table as many as a dozen magazines at a time! Of course this is the couch version of change, some may even say a distraction from reality. Maybe that’s what they are looking for. Sometimes I’m tempted to ask if they are okay. Don’t know if I should though or if it’ll go anywhere. Probably not, lol.

[Sheisaking]

Thanks for all of the responses! You guys gave me a lot to think about. I decided to casually mention my credit and he opened up about his. He has actually never established credit! He's 32. He asked if I would help him get started and explain to him the do's and don't and the mistakes I have made. I had him check out this forum :-). Thanks again guys!