Dating advice

[Anonymous]

Today, financial issues can make or break a relationship. IMO you need to approach your new friend about his overdue bills you see on his cabinets or counters. Even if these bills are his soon to be ex wife's, if he is receiving them, then his name is associated with the bills, so his credit is also. You have worked hard on your financial issues so you do not want to be burdened by his troubles too!

Be careful here also, he may not tell you the truth when you ask him, he is a lawyer! 

[marty56]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Be careful here also, he may not tell you the truth when you ask him, he is a lawyer! 

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Easy way to tell if a lawyer is lying is to check to see if his lips are moving.

Perhaps MyFiCO will offer Valentine's day discount for all 3 scores being pulled.

IMHO I would not get involved with anyone who is in the process of gettng divorced or had just ended a long term relationship regardless of what their FICO score is.

Message Edited by marty56 on 01-08-2009 02:10 AM

[Anonymous]

You guys are cracking me up, esp MattH. How do you REALLY feel?  

I'll stick with seeing him casually til I figure this out. And yes, I might bring something up, hypothetically, just to see what he says.

I have no desire to save him. Hell, *I* just learned to swim, I have no business teaching anyone else!! 

[Anonymous]

Family breakup, job loss, medical bills. They are the Big Three of BK so it's reasonable to presume they account for a whole lotta late payments and other bad credit stuff which is less than BK. Responsible, good people fall victim to it. Trick is knowing whether this is a hole he's in and will climb out of or not. I'm inclined to say extend the benefit of doubt, at least for now. I don't see the need to brand him with a scarlet letter and toss him.

[Anonymous]

Don't count him out just yet! My DF was terrible with managing his finances when I first met him. But a few years later and 100+ points higher, he is very responsible now. No more baddies and good debt management.

There are two types of ignorance: passive and active. its the active ignorance you want to avoid.

If you all are "at that point" in your relationship, have "the talk".

[haulingthescoreup]

My two cents...

It's unfair to count someone out on the basis of something you glimpsed on his kitchen counter. Those might have been his bills; they might have been hers. Stuff happens, especially during a crisis situation.

IMO, this discussion should occur at about the same time as the other conversation about lab results and protection occurs. It's a weird new world out there, and you have to protect yourself from all sorts of things.

Maybe he's the responsible party, and she's the nut case; maybe he's the wild spender and gambler and she initiated the divorce to get him out of her hair; maybe it's both of them. (As in most cases of divorce.)

But there's dating, and there's involvement, and there's marriage. By the time I'm moving into involvement, I would like to know some of the nitty-gritties about the other person. And as others have said, they might have screwed up in the past. Heaven knows, I did. If it's their fault, what have they done to acknowledge it; what are they doing now that's different; and what will they do in the future to ensure that it never happens again?

Good luck! It's a tough world out there, and finding someone who makes you happy is not to be discounted.

[marty56]

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:
Good luck! It's a tough world out there, and finding someone who makes you happy is not to be discounted.

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I thought about renting the Stepford Wives (remake) and watching it with DW.  Lucky for me common sense kicked in and I didnt.

[MattH]

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@marty56 wrote:

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:
Good luck! It's a tough world out there, and finding someone who makes you happy is not to be discounted.

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I thought about renting the Stepford Wives (remake) and watching it with DW.  Lucky for me common sense kicked in and I didnt.

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Yeah, I'd never DARE take either the original or the remake of THAT one home to my wife!

[MidnightVoice]

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@haulingthescoreup wrote:

IMO, this discussion should occur at about the same time as the other conversation about lab results and protection occurs. It's a weird new world out there, and you have to protect yourself from all sorts of things.

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I remember the days after the pill and antibiotics, and before AIDS       

[marty56]

Last nite on the Suze Orman show she had this guy on who wanted his wife back since she divorced him after because he secretly took out $250k from their home to support his business.  I first felt sorry for the guy and then started thinking how dead I would be if DW found out that I did something like that.

Communication and honesty are the real issues in any relationship.